I'll Stand By You
by WitchyVampireGirl
Summary: Bella and Edward meet briefly on her 21st birthday. When fate conspires for them to cross paths again months later, will they have the courage to make it last while facing their darkest fears? March 2012 Drabble War entry AH
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Well here it is..the first chapter! Yea! There will only be one more today and then the rest will need to wait till tomorrow!**

**I want to give a HUGE shout out to CullensTwiMistress and EdwardsEternal.. these brave ladies helped talk me off the ledge in regards to this story.. they pre-read and helped me make it look pretty. I could not have done it with out you two! THANKS!**

**Ok.. in order to read this.. I must give you, the reader, your survival kit: A towel for them lemon scenes that get you a litle, umm excited, a never ending box of kleenex (by suggestion EE), a trash can for your used tissues as we don't litter, a security blankie to snuggle into and whenever you want it.. I'll hold your hand!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

1

BPOV

"You better hurry up in there, Swan, or I'll come in there after you!"

I sigh as I hear, Alice, one of my best friends, bellowing at me from outside my bedroom door. I give myself one last cursory glance at my appearance.

Damn, I look good! The tight black skirt falls just a few inches above my knee, my sparkly blue halter top shows off a sliver of skin making my belly button jewel sparkle. I decide against stockings as my legs still hold the last remnants of my summer sun kissed skin. I slip on my low-heeled black peep toe shoes and open my door.

I do a slow spin for Alice's approval. Her low whistle makes me smile.

"Looking good birthday girl. Come on, you've got presents and your first legal shot to do before we boogie out of here."

I follow her down the stairs to where my other best friend, Angela, is waiting.

"Hot shit, Bella!" I give her a small curtsey before I sit down next to her.

"Ok, hit me ladies."

Alice thrust her gift bag at me with a squeal. I tear into the tissue paper to pull out a beautiful wrap dress in silver. The material flows effortlessly in my hands.

"There's more," she says with a smile so wide it almost doesn't fit on her face.

I look back into the bag to find the boots of a lifetime. They are the same shade of silver as the dress but they were soft suede.

"Oh, Alice. They're beautiful! Thank you." I wrap her in a bear hug.

"My turn, my turn," says Angela who's bouncing up and down.

She thrusts a deep purple bag at me. I smile at her and pull out the colorful paper. I reach in and pull out a black leather bound journal with my name emblazoned on the cover in gold.

"Oh, Ang, you shouldn't have." My eyes well up with tears.

"Always the best for you, girl" She gives me a hug and a kiss.

"Enough of the sappy crap, let's get our drink on!" shouts Alice. She rushes into the kitchen where I hear the tinkling of glass and my freezer door open.

She plops down three shot glasses, fills them with vodka and we raise them high.

Alice clears her throat. "To Bella, Happy 21st Birthday! Now, down the hatch, I wanna go dance."

We shoot our shots, slam the glasses down and run out the door whooping it up.

**A/N: Please leave me your thoughts.. I will love to hear them. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Grr had issues with posting ch.1- so go backand make sure you read it before reading this!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

2

EPOV

I can feel the hum of the crowd, it's electric. The energy, the synergy jolts my entire body and I'm more than ready to get out there and rock all night long.

"Huddle up, guys," says Emmett along with Rose, Jasper is a step behind them.

The four of us come together and hold hands. We don't pray or say anything. It's just what we call our zen moment. We each like to get into our own head space, calm any nerves and get present in the moment.

After a few minutes, Emmett throws his hand in the middle and we all follow suit.

"Time to rock this joint!"

We all give a shout of agreement and head to the side of the stage. Once again, we all start our pre-show rituals. Emmett twirls his drum sticks in the same figure eight patter over and over. Jasper taps out the bass line for the first song and Rose hums a lullaby.

Don't ask me or her why she does that. I almost lost my head when I did.

My ritual is to recite the set list in my head. Don't ask me why it calms me, it just does.

We get the go ahead from the stage manager that it's time. We reach for our instruments and we hear Emmett counting down the beat of the first song. Jazz comes into it with the bass line and a few measures later Rose and I come in.

It's the first duet we ever did way back when, but it's a fan favorite.

Time flies, the crowd is screaming and singing and I can't think of a better way to kick off a tour than in our hometown. We finish up our forty-five minute encore and I am euphoric.

"Thank you, and good night Chicago!"

We give the audience one last wave and then it goes dark. Stage hands take our guitars as we exit and we silently make our way backstage and into the dressing room.

"That kicked ass," shouted Emmett. He swings Rose around and kisses her soundly.

"Dude, that is my sister you're making out with, get a room!" Jasper clasps his hand over his eyes.

I snort and laugh. Rose and Em have been like this since day one. One would think once they got married they would have cooled their jets. If anything, they're worse.

I flip them both off and make my way towards the bottles water sitting out.

"Jealous, little bro?" snorts Emmett.

I shake my head, "Nope, Rose is far too high maintenance for me."

That earns a laugh from Emmett which gets him a smack on his head from Rose.

I gotta hand it to my sister-in-law, she sure knows how to put Em in his place.

**A/N: Please leave me your thoughts.. I will love to hear them. Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for all the love,alerts and faves! Makes me smile. This will be the last one for tonight.. but Fri I hope to post 21 chappies, Sat, 21 and then Sun 22! We will see if I can do that! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

3

BPOV

The bass is thumping and my body is humming. We take a few shots from the bar, slam them down and shimmy our way to the dance floor. Our bodies are swaying, hips gyrating and hands swinging.

It's been too long since we went out. Hell, this is the first time in a while that I feel good enough to have energy for this kind of thing.

After several songs, we hop back to a table and order more drinks while we scope out the men.

"What will it be ladies, what's the bet gonna be?"Alice asks with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Do we have to play, it's my birthday," I whine. Both of my friends laugh.

"That's why we're playing, Bella." Angela smirks at me. "My bet is on you."

I roll my eyes, "I say Alice. That dress leaves little to the imagination."Alice beams at me.

"I have to agree with Angela, I pick you all the way." I scowl at them both.

It's a stupid game we've played the last two years. We pick to see who can get the most numbers. At the end of the night, if you didn't guess correctly, you had to do whatever the bet was. The game is a product of three drunken girls with way too much time on their hands.

"I say that the loser or losers need to go on one date from their numbers," replied Angela slyly. She often chooses this as she had met a great guy this way until he had to go overseas for a job.

"Oh, yes, I need new man meat!"Alicewas bouncing in her seat at Ang's idea.

Seeing that I would be outvoted, I agree. "Deal." We all down another shot to seal the bet and move back to the dance floor.

LMFAO's _Sexy and I Know It _comes on and we all scream and jump. We sing and dance. We flirt with boys and the numbers started to pile. I start to have a feeling of being watched but can't find anyone staring.

So I shrug it off.

I dance to Katy Perry, Lady Gaga and even old school Madonna. I am sweaty, drunk and having a blast. Once again I feel eyes on me and I look around me. My perusal is interrupted by the DJ.

"Excuse me, it seems we have a birthday girl in the house!"

Oh I'm gonna fuck Alice and Angela up.

**A/N Ohh noo! Let me know what you think. Know that I wont be able to respond to reviews.. it will be too overwhelming.. but I am loving them and reading every single one of them!**

**Please check out the other authors who are participating:**

****CullensTwiMistress** www . fanfiction . net/u/2593677/CullensTwiMistress**

****mmsinful** www . fanfiction . net/u/1798291/mmsinful**

****SlashGal** www . fanfiction . net/u/2951616/SlashGal**

**TrueEnglishRose** www . fanfiction . net/u/3069569/

**Breath-of-twilight** www . fanfiction . net/u/1795233/Breath_of_twilight

**Wants2BeACullen **www . fanfiction . net/u/2120357/Wants2BeACullen

**SeaEnchantress **www . fanfiction . net/u/3209406/SeaEnchantress


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: It's Friday where I am... which means.. WAR ON BABY! Remember.. I am hope to post 21 chapters today! So far you are all loving Rockerward and want to party it up with Bella and the girls!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

4

EPOV

Eclipse is hopping when Jasper and I arrive after we clean up. Like always, Em and Rose decide to stay behind at the hotel to unwind. This usually means copious amounts of sex. I repress a shudder at the thought.

I love my brother but I don't need to imagine him doing anything sexual with Rose. I thought of her as my sister and that is just nasty.

Our manager, Peter, had called ahead and reserved a VIP room for us. We are ushered in through the back and escorted up the back stairs to the second level. We have a clear view of the main floor, including the dance floor.

A plastic looking waitress comes in to take our orders. I roll my eyes at her attempt at flirting and place an order for a few bottles of beer. Jasper orders a few shots and we turn to look at the sea of bodies on the dance floor.

I love to people watch. The way they interact when they think they're alone. It's then that true colors are revealed. It's hard to notice much in the throng of people dancing, but a glint of red catches my eye.

I watch as she sways and dips, her whole body feeling the pulsing rhythm. She has two friends with her and they grind and dance against each other. But it's the subtle things she does. She intervenes when one of her friends sends a distressing look. She joins the group when her friends are surrounded by guys.

The lights in here are not conducive to me getting a good look at her. But the way she looks in her clothes is sexy as hell. I lose her in the crush of people when they leave the dance floor. But a short time later I see her again.

I am entranced by her and I have no idea why. I mean it's been months since I got laid, but I am sure it is more than that. I am reacting to her on a gut level, not just with my dick.

Just then the DJ breaks in, "Excuse me, it seems we have a birthday girl in the house! Come on up, Bella!"

I hear some squeals and look to see the girl being led by her friends to the DJ booth. He gets the whole club to sing 'Happy Birthday' and then offers her and her friends the chance to dance in the cage. When they accept, the masses scream in delight.

In pure fascination, I watch as her and her friends put on the sexiest dance I had even seen. Far sexier than what I have seen in any strip club.

The manager comes up to talk to us, "Hello, Mr. Cullen, Mr. Whitlock. I hope you are enjoying yourselves. If I can be assistance, please don't hesitate to let me know."

I put my hand out to halt him from leaving, "I have something I would like you to do."

**A/N: Hmmmm what does Rockerward want? Ready to hear Bella POV on all this? Thanks for all the love you have given me.. ina few chapters.. umm you may want to find your towels in your kit. Ohh I have a new item to give you: nerf balls.. cuz I have a felling you maywant to throw shit at me later..line up to get them!**

**Ok.. what ya thinking?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here is another!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

5

BPOV

I am mortified. Only Alice would think that I would appreciate something like this. But, when I find out we get to dance in the cage, it's worth it.

The cage is our dream, but it's only used on 21 plus nights. Since we're all legal, I'm not going to let this pass me up. We request California Gurls as it is our personal anthem. Of course it is also one song we kind of had a silly routine for.

The crowd gets into it and I feed off their energy. I close my eyes and get lost in the music and the dancing. When the song is over, we are treated to a thunderous applause and we all curtsies and wave.

Too much fucking fun!

When back on the ground, we're given free drinks at the bar. We down the first two rounds of shots before I start to nurse a vodka cranberry. I'm not looking to get too hammered. I want to remember tonight.

We have a steady stream of admirers coming up to us. Numbers are flying and the three of us share knowing glances. I fucking love this night, I don't think it can get any better.

I am trying to look interested in what the guy in front of me is saying, but he has a dried up crusty booger in his nose and it's distracting me. I worry it's going to fall into my drink.

Just as he is leaning in closer, I think to kiss me, I hear someone trying to but in.

"Excuse me, miss?"

I lean away from booger boy and turn to look at the gentleman in front of me. His tag says he is the manager of Eclipse and his name is Garrett.

"What's up, Garrett?" My words sound a teeny bit slurred.

"I have been asked to extend an invitation for you and your friends to come up to the VIP rooms, to celebrate your birthday." He smiles gently, awaiting my response.

"Hell ya, we'll come!" Shouts a very drunk Alice. I nod along with her, why the fuck not.

Garrett nods, "Follow me ladies." He turns to walk towards the stairs for the VIP rooms.

When we get to the bottom rung, caution screams in the alcohol haze in my brain.

I place a hand on Garrett's arm, "Um, wait. Who invited us, Garrett? Umm just so I know."

He gives me a slow smile, "Mr. Cullen and Mr. Whitlock, miss."

Angela's scream busts my eardrum.

"Do you mean _Edward Cullen _and _Jasper Whitlock_?" Obviously those names mean something to her. I look up at Garrett, waiting to see if he will confirm.

He gave Angela a smile and a nod, "Yes, miss."

I look at Angela with a WTF brow.

"Hello, Bella! They are one half of the band Midnight Dawn."

Hmm…ok?

**A/N: Ohhh so THAT'S what or shall I say..who Rockerward wants.. hmmm interesting... So..ya still liking it! Give me some love!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Love allthe alertsand reviews! Making my war debut feel good!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

6

EPOV

Jasper looks at me weird, knowing that my request is out of the ordinary. All I can do is shrug my shoulders. I don't understand it either. Just that there is a pull, a compulsion to act. So I went with it.

I watch as Garrett approaches her and talks. It seems like it takes little convincing for her and her friends to agree. I lose them as they approach the stairs to come up. A few of the road crew has come by and we have a small but varied group of people hanging out now. I hope it doesn't make the girls too nervous.

I wonder if they know who I am or heard of us. We have two new singles on the radio and we're going to be starting our own headlining tour. Granted, it will be intimate venues, but it's a big step from the dive bars we got our start in.

I watch the door as a small raven haired girl walks through, followed by a light brown haired girl and finally the brunette. My breath catches as I view her up close.

She is even more beautiful that I thought. Her hair is thick, glints of gold and red sparkle under the lights. She is tiny; I would be surprised if she is a few inches over five feet. My eyes roam over her body, curves in the right places, long lean legs and plump tits.

Unconsciously I lick my lips. Her face is delicate looking, framed by her hair, lips that are slightly out of balance and eyes that suck me right in.

"Breathe," whispers Jasper as he elbows me.

I blink and take in a shuddering breath.

Garrett leads her over to me and I suddenly feel nervous. My heart is pounding, my palms clammy and my mouth as dry as the desert. I take a huge swig of my beer and a few calming breaths. But nothing is working.

My entire body feels like one live wire and I have volts of electricity sparking through me.

"Mr. Cullen, Mr. Whitlock, here are your guest. If you do not need anything else, I shall leave you to your evening." Garrett looks at me but I only have eyes for the brunette who is calmly looking around.

"That's fine Garrett, If we need you, we will let you know," replies Jasper. Garrett nods and disappears in the crowd.

Seeing that I am struck stupid, Jasper dives right in.

"Hello, ladies. I am Jasper and this dimwit here," he jabs me again, "is Edward. Who might you pretty ladies be?"

The three of them laugh at Jasper. The raven haired one jumps forward.

"I am Alice, this is Angela," she points to the light brown haired girl, "and this one is the birthday girl, Bella."

Bella, beautiful.

"Happy Birthday, Bella," drawls Jasper. Bella gives him a small curtsey.

"OH MY GOD!" Screams Angela. "You guys are part of Midnight Dawn! Can I get your autograph? Can I get a picture?"

"Ang!" admonishes Bella, a delectable blush creeping up her face. I get an urge to discover just how much of her body that blush covers.

"It's no big deal," I say as I scoff. "We're kinda used to it."

Oh, fuck, way to come off as an arrogant prick, Edward.

.LIFE.

**A/N: Hehe.. Edward is struck stupid... *giggle snorts* Umm hey.. nerf balls are flying everywhere...make sure you pick them up..k?**

**A few answers to things in reviews: the red he saw was her hair..not her shirt..he references the red glints above. Edward's band is made-up.. and like someone pointed out.. NOT a cover band.. and umm towels at the ready? Another chapter will be up soon...**

**Leave me some love..please... :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Two more back to back coming your way! Shall we see what Bella thinks?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

7

BPOV

I watch as he blushes after he inserts his foot into his mouth.

"Oh, fuck, that sounded bad." He even has the decency to look ashamed. He is slowly redeeming himself.

I am sure he doesn't realize I caught him eye fucking me. How could I not? His gaze is scorching. My nipples harden and my pussy starts to throb. I'm close to throwing him down before he opens his mouth.

I give him a slow grin.

Of course Alice gives him an out, "Thanks for indulging, Angie. She's a huge fan."

The next few minutes is filled with them scribbling their autographs on a napkin. One of their roadies takes several pictures with our phones. Of course the entire time Angie is hyperventilating and I can feel Edward's gaze on me.

As he's talking to Ang, I take a slow perusal of his body. He is tall, over six feet, and is lanky but built. I think I see a hint of a tattoo on one of his arms and he has the greenest eyes I had ever seen. I mean, I didn't know eyes could be that green. His hair is a chaotic riot that looks wild and completely like he just woke up.

My fingers itch with the compulsion to run my hands through it. It has to be soft. But that isn't the best thing about him. Oh, no. That would be his mouth. It is a perfect bow that sits atop a square jaw that I want to bite.

Every time he takes a sip from his beer bottle, I have to stifle a groan. Hazy images how those lips would feel against mine or sucking on my pointy nipples bombard my brain.

Gee, get a fucking grip, Bella.

I see a huge bucket of beer chilling in a tub of ice and I help myself to one in the hopes that it will settle my raging hormones and cool my body. Is it only me or is it hot up here?

I make my way back to Angela who is staring starry-eyed at Edward.

"Thanks for everything, Edward." He gives her a panty dropping smile.

"No problem. Give me your contact information and when we come back to Chicago, you got tickets on us to our next concert at home."

I steady Angela who looks ready to faint. She nods numbly then scrambles to write down her address. With a trembling hand she hands it to Edward who pockets it. She gives him a small wave and then walks to where Jasper has Alice engaged in conversation.

"That was real sweet of you." I tell him.

He turns towards me and gives me a shy smile.

"It's no big deal." He shrugs and takes another gulp of his beer. "Oh, Happy Birthday," he blurts out.

I can't help but laugh. I reach out to touch his arm and when I make contact I feel as if I am struck by lightning. The hairs on my arms stand up. The feeling surges through my body and I gasp.

Just then I am jostled from behind and I'm colliding with Edward. His arms wrap around me to steady me. That feeling of electricity intensifies and magnifies.

We both groan at the expanded contact.

What the fuck is that?

**A/N: Hmmm can ya feel it? The UST? Ohhh they both got it bad! Want another? Leave me some love and I'm off to post another...**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Here is another- whats Edward thinking?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

8

EPOV

What the fuck is that?

My body feels tingly and like I could shoot sparks out my fingers. My already hard dick throbs with the feel of her in my arms. Her subtle scent swirls around me and instinctively I inhale. My eyes close as I taste her on my tongue.

Sweet, fresh and all woman.

I want her unlike I've ever wanted someone. We stare at each other for what seems to be an eternity, but a shout from the other side of the room breaks our strange connection.

"Time to do birthday shots, Bella!" we both snap our head over to see Alice holding up a bottle of vodka in one hand and waving us over with the other.

We hastily try to untangle ourselves and walk over to where Alice and everyone are setting up shots. I could do with a few shots to calm my nerves and maybe get a little drunk.

I watch Bella out of the corner of my eye. She is sex personified. Even the way she moves is sexy and makes me want to jump her here and now.

This is so not like me. I'm not a man whore; I don't see the point in it. Sex is personal. Plus with everything that could go wrong; from diseases, unplanned pregnancy and your sexual past coming to bite ya in the ass. It's more trouble than it's worth.

But one look at Bella and I want to do very bad things to her. Repeatedly.

"Here," says Alice as she pushes a shot glass in my hands. She raises hers, "To Bella, Happy fucking 21st Birthday!"

We all raise ours with cheers of 'To Bella' or 'Happy Birthday' and down they go. I watch as Bella takes hers like a pro. Damn, a woman who is not afraid to drink. A few more go down and I'm starting to feel that nice mellow feeling.

I listen as Jazz and the road crew talks to the girls. That is where I learn that they all go to U of I in Chicago. Angela is studying to be an art teacher, Alice is working on a marketing degree and Bella has recently been accepted into the nursing program.

They are bright, funny, beautiful ladies and I am captivated by Bella.

"Excited for the tour?" Asks Angela as she looks at both Jazz and me.

"Yea," I say, "To headline our own tour, even if it is smaller venues. We are cool with that."

We talk about the cities we are scheduled to visit and life on the road.

I watch Bella as covertly as I can, only to see that she is always looking at me. Just the thought that she could be as into me as I am her makes my dick harden even more.

I'm not into casual sex, but fuck if Bella doesn't make me want to break all my rules.

**A/N: Ohh Edward... you want her baaaddd! What ya thinking people!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: How about another 2! Figured you would want it! Dig thru your kits.. towels must be at the ready!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

9

BPOV

He is watching me. I can feel his stare. Whenever I look over, it confirms what I can feel all over my body. I want Edward. Bad and now.

Images of me and him, naked, sweaty, intense, raw run through my brain. It only makes me wet and horny. I really don't care if I can only have tonight; I'm willing to take what I can get just to get a taste of him. This doesn't mean I'm a slut. Just that I know what I want and tonight that is Edward.

The alcohol keeps flowing and it is only serving to lower my inhibitions. My body feels relaxed and mellow. I inch closer to him, to feel him. To have that delicious charge race through my body, igniting my blood and fueling my lust.

When I'm sitting close, I creep my hand over to his and when I touch him, I watch as he shudders. I know he's not as unaffected as he's playing. It makes this rather simple, I want him, and he wants me. No need to deny us what we want.

There is a small part of my brain that reminds me that he is leaving for months on end; no good can come from this except a broken heart.

I scoff at myself. I'm not looking to fall in love, just have one night of sex. Nothing less, nothing more.

With my resolve firmly in place, I continue to touch and tease Edward, which is rather easy to do. I scoot closer, our thighs touching; I can feel the heat of his body. He stutters as he is telling a story of something that happened to them last tour.

When Alice takes the attention off him, I want to learn over and whisper in his ear, but I'm thwarted by a rather large scream from Alice.

"Bella, it's our song. You have to dance."

Stupid girl, I am gonna shred all her designer jeans one of these days.

I hear the words to the song we made a dance to and I'm being pulled up and away from Edward before I could make a move.

Sandwiched between Alice and Ang, we shimmed and sway to 'Last Friday Night'. We made up this routine during last finals week in a moment of studying insanity. It was one of the crazy stress relievers we allowed ourselves.

I hold Edward's gaze as we dance and act like fools. The entire room is clapping, yelling and singing with us. The smile I see on his face is breathtaking and for a very tiny second, my heart skips a beat.

Somehow I think I'm in trouble.

**A/N: Ohh Bella! You are sooo far beyond trouble!**

**OK.. couple things to say:**

**KimberlyAnnT: OMG! YES! I love GB..and that song is amazing! Anyone who can talk Garth Brooks to me is my gal!**

**DaniWithGreenEyes: lol.. no water balloons.. I am not wearing a white t-shirt.. what would be the point? hehe**

**So.. I can sense you are still with me? Good... tell me what ya think while I go get chapter 10 ready!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Here's another... what's Edward thinking as she is dancing away? *sniff* do you smell that? hehe smells kinda lemony..**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

10

EPOV

The way she dances and moves, I can't not look at her. She is mesmerizing. She is walking perfection. Plus, if I correctly interpret her looks, she wants me.

The idea of spending the night with her makes me crazy with desire. But thinking that it would only be for tonight makes me stop. I can't stop the thought that one night isn't going to be enough. One night won't be enough to learn every curve of her body. It's not enough time to find those places that make her moan and those places that trigger her release.

Yet, the more I try to fight against the draw that I feel towards her, the less I can resist her.

For the first time I'm willing to say screw the consequences, I'll deal with them in the morning. I want to live tonight first.

When the last note is played of their song and they accept high fives and shots in appreciate for their dancing, I pull Bella towards me.

My hand threads into her hair and my other hand flexes on her hip. I hear her sharp intake of air and watch as her tongue wets her lower lip. I groan before I crush my lips to hers.

I vaguely hear some catcalls, but I ignore it. All I can feel is her lips on mine. Hot, wet, urgent, frantic.

The kiss isn't soft or gentle, but a chaotic need to release pent up want. It's an urge to show what we both want and need. Her hands fist in my hair and she mold her body to mine. Mouths open, tongues taste, tease and explore.

She tastes of alcohol, fruit and smells of sex and musk.

When she pulls away to gasp for air, I attack her neck, jaw, anything I can reach. I hear her soft whimper of want and it clears the haze in my head.

I pull back to watch as she opens her eyes. Warm pools of chocolate desire reflect back to me lust and passion.

"Wow," she breathes. I can't help the slow smirk that I give her.

"Get a room," shouts Paul. "Or move so we can watch," retorts Jared.

I hear a slap and I know it came from Jasper. He knows that this is out of character for me. But I can't help myself, Bella is like a drug and after this first hit, I have become addicted.

Bella surprises me as she turns around and flips Jared off.

"Sit and spin, baby."

The room bursts out with laughter and shouts. Seems my girl can hold her own.

What the fuck?

My girl?

Where did that come from?

**A/N: HEHE... Ohhh Edward.. you are ready and primed! OK... since I really want to post the next group of chapters together.. but I really should work.. this will be it for a while.. but when I am able... you will get 5.. thats right... 5 incredible chapters! I promise... until then.. your thoughts..please?**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: UGH! real life got crazy.. so here is the start of your 5 in a row... last warning... find your towels everyone! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

11

BPOV

That kiss undoes me. I no longer know which way is up and I don't really give a fuck. My body is thrumming with nervous energy and I want to expend it all on Edward's body. I feel his rather large erection through his pants and I know he wants me as much as I want him.

I don't know if it's the alcohol, the overwhelming lusty haze I am in or lack of common sense, but I am determined to spend the rest of the night with Edward. Alone, naked and full of sex. I take another shot to calm my nerves before I pull Edward down to my level.

His green eyes sparkle, his lips twitch at my show of dominance and all I want to do is lick him. All fucking over him.

"Wanna get out of here?" I give his ear a small flick and I hear him moan.

BINGO! Hook, line and sinker. Your mine, Edward.

"Fuck yes. I have a car waiting, let's go." His hand reaches for my mine and our fingers automatically thread together. A shudder ripples through us both as we feel that spark, that connection of skin on skin.

I reach for my purse and hastily follow Edward, my eyes glued onto his tight ass. Hmm, I wonder if he would let me bite it.

The door to a dark town car is opened by a uniformed driver. Edward directs him to his hotel and I type a text to Alice and Ang.

_Going to Edward's hotel. Talk later. ;) B_

A few moments later, my phone chirps with two incoming texts.

_Oh, birthday sex. You go girl. Be safe. Ali_

_Details of sex with Edward will be needed! Ang_

I laugh, turn it off and put it away as Edward slides in close.

"Letting the girls know where you're going?"

I nod. "A girl can't be too careful. You could turn out to be a serial killer musician." I give him a wink to show that I am kidding.

He throws back his head and laughs loudly. He pulls me close and nuzzles my nek.

"I've never known a girl quite like you Bella. You are amazing."

I give him a 'you-expect-me-to-buy-that-line' look.

He shakes his head. "I may be a rocker, but doesn't mean I live the typical lifestyle of drugs and fucking groupies. That's never appealed to me, ever." He gives me an unapologetic shrug.

"I am 27 Bella. This is my chance to do what I have always dreamt. I'm not going to ruin it by being a druggie or man-whore. Plus my momma raised me right."

I hold up our hands that have magically found their way together once more, "Then what do you call this?"

He looks at our twined hands. "I have not a clue but I know if I let this pass me up, I'll regret it, Bella." His thumb makes lazy circles on my skin sending my heart into over drive. "I've have never felt so connected to someone like I do you."

His voice is soft and hesitant.

"Same here," I whisper reassuringly. "It's like a compulsion, a need to be with you."

He looks at me with eyes so intense I feel as if he can see deep in my soul. All I can do stare helplessly into his eyes. Can he see the truth, through the want and lust? Can he see that this feels bigger than us both?

When his lips crash onto mine, I hear his answer.

He is as lost to this as I am.

**A/N: And I am just getting warmed up... the rest coming right up! Ya like?**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: 2 of 5**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

12

EPOV

I pull her along the hallway in the hotel. My need to get her alone is spiking and I'm frantic with want of her. My entire body is shaking with desire. I feel as if I am falling headlong into something amazing and I never want to touch back down.

As soon as the door to my room closes, I'm on her. Lips urgent, needy. Hands roaming and stripping us of our clothes. Her skin is soft and warm. I have no clue where I want to touch her so I just keep moving my hands all over her body.

Her cries and whimpers spur me on. Her hands are gentle. They leave scorching paths of fire. We taste and tease. I leave love nips on her collar bones and on the tops of her breasts. Her nails leave half moon marks on my arms.

We make our way to the bed and I take a pause to admire Bella. Her chest is heaving with her pants, eyes lidded and heavy with want. Her skin is flushed with a blush. Her hair is fanned on the pillow. She has curves where a true woman should.

I inhale deeply and smell her. A glance at her pussy shows it glistening with arousal and I act on pure instinct.

I literally dive face first towards her pussy. My hands push her thighs apart and my tongue takes one deep swipe of her. Her essence explodes on my tongue. I groan against her pussy. She rewards me with a low moan.

Like a starving man, I eat her out as if I would never have pussy again.

A small voice reminds me how true that is, but I block it. I plan on leaving my mark all over this body. Tonight, it's all mine.

My ministrations flip into hyper drive and in no time I am granted the sweet taste of her release. I lap up each and every drop. She's delicious.

When I look at her eyes she gives me a smirk that tells me we are just getting started.

"My turn, baby."

**A/N: Short I know... but we got 3 more coming up! Still with me?/**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: 3 of 5... hang on tight...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

13

BPOV

His cock is a walking contradiction. Its soft velvet over marble. He is softness with an all male hardness. Without warning, I sink my mouth down on his cock and his low hiss of pleasure makes me smile. His salty taste makes my mouth water and I won't be happy till I taste his cum.

My hands join my mouth, a tag team of epic proportions. My boy is packing and I'm making sure there isn't one inch of his glorious cock that I haven't left unexplored.

The garbled words and moans coming from Edward give me all the motivation I need to keep going. I watch as he struggles with the sensations. His neck taunt with tension, his hands fisting the blankets, his hips flexing with my movements.

His eyes are closed tightly and his mouth moves with wordless pleas.

My name is chanted like a litany from heaven.

Don't worry, baby. I'll make you see angels when I am through with you.

The power I feel, as he comes undone by my mouth and hands alone makes me drunk. I want him to let go. I want it all with him. Slow and sexy, hard and raw.

"Oh, fuck Bella." I sense he's close and I want him to fly.

I cup his heavy balls and begin to roll and tug.

"Shit, shit, ohh fuck!" His entire body tenses.

Lightly my teeth scrape as I rub that sweet spot behind his balls. I feel his cock swell. Paydirt.

"Cumming, Bellllaaaaaaaa!"

Warm and salty, thick streams fill my mouth and I swallow it all. Like the good girl I am, I clean up his spent dick. A soft kiss to the tip and I crawl up to see his face.

His lazy, sated smile makes me grin. He looks so beautiful. I can't believe he is all mine for tonight.

**A/N: *panting* Can ya handle 2 more?**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: 4 of 5...slowing it down...but not for too long!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

14

EPOV

"Why did ya decided to go into nursing," I ask as she cuddles up next to me. My fingers trail down her spine and back up again.

I feel her tense but I keep stroking her gently. I have a deep desire to know every little thing about her. I want to know her, not just her body but her heart and mind, too.

"I lost both my parents to a horrible accident when I was 13. The nurses who helped care for them in their last hours left an impression on me." I feel her shuddering breath against my chest. My fingers continue to move up and down her back.

"Even though they were brain dead, the still treated them as humans, with dignity and respect. One of them held my hand as we pulled the plug."

I kiss her temple, to reassure her that she is safe, that I'm here for her.

"Where did you go after?" Her finger starts to trace patterns on my chest.

"My Grammy Swan came to live in my house. She died a month after I graduated high school. Alice and Angela are my family now." Her words are whispers but I hear the sadness.

My Bella is strong. That's right, there is no denying, she's mine.

"Tell me about you," her voice pleads.

"Emmett and I grew up in Chicago our entire life. Jazz and Rose have been in our life since we were in school." I smile as I think of a lifetime of memories. "There isn't much we didn't do together. Our parents got us into music as a foursome and that got us to where we are today."

She looks up at me and smiles.

"Sounds wonderful." There is a wistful tone to her words.

I roll her over. I look deep into her eyes; I see the pain that never ever leaves her. Suddenly, I need to show her that she is worthy of devotion.

I start to lavish her body with kisses, affection and passion. So I start to learn those places that make her sigh; ones that make her laugh and the ones that make her moan. I work her body into a frenzy. Her scent is thick and heavy in the room.

My hands caress where I have kissed and licked. Her body is trembling as I keep her on the very edge of her release. She tosses her head from side to side.

"Please, Edward," I know she is asking for more than just release. She wants a place to let it all go.

"I got you baby; you're so safe with me."

Her body sags in relief and I see her begin to fly high. With reluctance I pull off her body. Her groan makes me smile.

Don't worry baby, I got what you need.

**A/N: Hmmm what ya got for her Edward?**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: 5 of 5 *whew* Are you all still alive?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

15

BPOV

My eyes roll back as he fills me. In one smooth thrust I'm so full of him and I love it.

"Yes…" my back arches, seeking more, needing more.

My body sings with the current that is flowing in a never ending circle. From him to me, from me to him. Sparks fly off us as we move together.

I feel his body ripple, his muscles strain with the pent up desire he is keeping in check. That will never do, I want it all. I need it all.

I wrap my legs and arms around him. Making him feel me all of me. I want to surround him as he surrounds me.

I feel his acquiescence as his thrusts get harder and faster. The pace is bruising. He is tattooing his spirit onto my body. I will wear him wherever I go. I'll do it with pride.

"More, harder. Give it to me, Edward."

He let's go a feral cry and I scream out in relief as he punishes me. The sound of skin on skin grows louder. The sweat on our bodies bead and merge. I pull him closer, push down on his ass with my feet as I arch against him, drawing him deeper.

"Oh, fuck, Bella."

I feel it too. Our bodies quake and shudder and together we cum. I clamp down on him as he pumps in deeper. The tip of his cock hits my cervix proving he owns my body. I feel the warmth of his cum spill deep in me, marking me as his.

I hold his wracking body, the tremors of his orgasm courses through his body. With one last shudder, he falls on me, covering my body with his delicious weight. His breath is hot on my neck as he licks the salt from my collar bone.

He rolls to the side but gathers me in his arms. I fit perfectly into the shelter of his arms. For the first time since I lost my parents I feel safe. I let the slowing rhythm of his breathing lull me into sleep.

**A/N: Sooooooooooooooo... ya like? Anyone need a fan? Smoke?**

**I got 7 more for you tonight! I'll give ya breather and then hit with a group of 3 then 4... now... show me the love!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: WOW! I am like FLOORED with your response.. LOVE YOU ALL! OK.. sadly.. towels must be set to dry.. time to find that comfort blankie.. the rides gets bumpy...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

16

EPOV

I wake to a warm soft body molded up against mine. It is heaven. When I realize that it's Bella and that she stayed, I smile. She's curled into my side, her eyes moving to unseen dreams. Soft puffs of her breath tickle my chest. She looks like an angel.

The reality that we have only a few short hours left sobers me. I feel a part of my heart start to ache. I know it is crazy to feel this way over her. But never had ever anyone felt as right as Bella did. Wanting to capture this moment, I take a few pictures of her sleeping. They will be all I take with me while I'm on the road. Pictures and memories; that is all I will have left.

I tighten my hold on her. Mesmerizing the feel of her skin on mine, the way she feels, the curve of her breast, the color of her nipples. I take in the way her belly jewel sparkles in the dim light and the smell of sex on her skin.

I want to ask her to wait for me that I want to come back to her. But that isn't what this is about. We both know it. That is why we could pour our whole selves into this, into us, into each other.

Yet, with all that, I couldn't help but make her a whispered vow. I have to. The same feeling that pushes me towards her pushes me to make this impulsive plea.

From my heart to hers.

"I'm coming back to you. I have to. To see, to know. Could you be the one?"

I kiss her softly on the temple, sealing my words onto her heart and soul.

With a heavy heart, I let slumber claim me once again.

**A/N: Awww isn't he sweet... 2 more coming... are you ready to hang in there with me? Remember free hand holding if ya need it! **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Promise me you will all hang in there.. you know me and how my stories end... I have a plan.. trust me.. and if ya need to..throw a nerf ball or two at me!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

17

BPOV

When I wake, the sun is just hinting at coming up. The horizon has a faint glimmer of reddish light. It is more than enough to stare at the beauty that is Edward.

Our night surpassed my wildest dreams. We are two souls finding each other, connecting and imprinting on the other.

I know that I will never forget him. He is too much a part of me. I can only hope that I'm a part of him.

He makes me feel the one thing that I thought was lost to me. He makes me feel safe. I want to keep this feeling with me. I don't want to be without it.

I watch him sleep. He looks so peaceful.

How did this all happen? What does it all mean?

Never have I ever felt as remotely connected to someone like I do Edward. I want to tell myself that I'm crazy, that it isn't real, that it is all too fast.

But in my heart, I know that it's true, real and just perfect.

Only fate is going to take him before we can discover what this could be. That thought is too much for my heart to bear.

I slowly wiggle my way out of his arms. I don't want any long drawn out goodbyes. I want the night to be the last memories we have. Not ones of tears and grief. I take a few pictures of him to help me with the memories.

I sit down at the desk in the room and leave a piece of me behind. The words pour from my heart.

_Edward,_

_Don't hate me for leaving like this. But it is better. Let the last images of us be ones of passion. I will remember you always. You are in my heart and my soul. Fate found a way for our paths to cross I will hold onto the hope that it will do so once again. The connection I feel to you will never be forgotten. Stay safe, be happy. Know I'm with you always._

_Yours always in love,_

_Bella_

A single tear mares the ink on the note. I fold it up and place it by his phone. I give him one last look, drinking in everything there is to remember about him. One last kiss on his cheek and then I walk out the door and away from him.

**A/N: Hope you dont hate me? Trust me? Anyone need a hand holding.. to be tucked into their blankies? Another coming up!**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: TIME JUMP!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

18

BPOV- One Month Later

I hear a soft knock on my bedroom door. "Bella, how are you feeling today?"

I roll over to look at Angie. "A little better. Still kinda tired, but my fever is gone." I sit up when I see that she brought some food.

"Hungry?"

I nod, "A little." She brings the tray that holds tomato soup, grilled cheese and milk. I dig in and eat in silence. I can almost guess what is on her mind. Both she and Alice have been on me for the same reason.

"Just spit out, Ang." I look at her out the corner of my eye.

She shrugs before taking a deep breath, "We're worried about you. You've been on and off sick. It's not getting better. I think it's getting worse. What can it hurt, Bella? So you go to the clinic and they say it s a cold or something. Then at least you would know."

She is picking at the frayed edges on one of the many blankets piled on my bed. "Please, Bella, for us?"

I know she's right. There's no harm in going. I am just not a big fan of doctors. I give her a nod. "You're right. I'll go."

Angie beams, "Good, you have an appointment in an hour. Eat up, shower and I'll drive you."

I shake my head, but do as I'm told.

An hour later and I'm sitting on paper that is sticking to my ass in a paper gown that leaves me chilly.

"Tell me what's been going on, honey," says the doctor while the nurse takes my vitals.

So I tell her that I haven't been feeling well in about a month, maybe more. How I'm always tired, the on and off again fevers, headaches, feeling achy all over. She asks me questions about diet, sleep patterns and exercise.

She feels me up and I'm not entirely sure she needs to do that, but what do I know. I haven't started my nursing practicum. Hell I just got admitted into the fucking program.

"Nothing seems out of the ordinary. I'm going to do several labs and we will call you with the results." A lab tech comes in and draws way too many vials of blood, swabs my nose and throat and then I'm on my way back home.

That wasn't too bad.

**A/N: Hmm what can be going on? I'd love to hear your thoughts! Remember...it will be ok... at the end!**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Some of you have asked for hand holding... you got it! Hmm great theories... some are sniffing on the right track... here is 1 of 4**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

19

BPOV

My phone rings as I'm trying to sort out my anatomy lab notes from the last month.

"Hello," I answer.

"Is this Bella Swan?" asks the way too cheerful voice on the other end.

"This is. Who is this?" I find the missing page and give myself a mental high five.

"This is Anita from Student Health Services. Dr. Markell would like you to come in for some additional testing. Are you free later this afternoon?"

My heart skips a beat. I want to ask what additional tests she needs, but I know I won't get any answers unless I go in.

"Ms. Swan?"

I realize I have yet to answer her. "Um, yea I can come in around two-thirty, will that work?"

"That will be fine. See you then."

I hang up and close my eyes against the sudden wave of nausea and fear that grips me. I try not to go down the path that this means something bad. I refuse to! I have had enough bull shit in my life to last me forever.

This is my time to live, to make my dreams come true. I close my eyes to quell the sudden onslaught of tears that fill my eyes.

_Relax. Deep breaths. This could be nothing more than a rule out._

I'm surprisingly calm when I make it to Health Services. Either that or I'm numb. Instead of being lead into one of the exam rooms I'm taken to the lab.

Several more vials of blood are taken.

"Do you know what labs are being ordered?" I ask the lab tech as they place a band-aid in the crook of my arm.

She consults her sheet, "Look like more in depth blood work and counts."

I give her a terse nod, "When will the results be back?"

"In a few days," she replies.

I thank her and walk silently back home, trying desperately not to think about what kind of blood tests they will run.

**A/N: Everyone have their blankets? More coming up. Thoughts? Theories?**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: 2 of 4.. ready for some Edward!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

20

EPOV- Reno, Nevada

"Time to round up," says Emmett for our pre-ritual gathering. We link hands and have our moments of silence. I feel the calm settle over me and I breathe deeply. When we finally break, we wait in the wings for our go ahead.

My left hand digs deep into my pocket to finger the worn scrap of paper. The words are written on my heart and soul. I know them verbatim. I have lost count the number of times that I have read and re-read Bella's words.

My right hand fishes my phone out and I open to this week's picture of her. My eyes trace the delicate form of her cheek bones and the curl of her lashes.

This has been my new pre-show ritual since I left Chicago about six weeks ago. I never feel fully ready to go out there until I have felt her words and seen her face.

We get the go ahead from the stage manager and we take our places on the darkened stage. With one last pat to my pockets, I nod to Emmett who counts us in.

Once the music starts, I forget about all else.

I forget about how hard it was to wake and see her gone.

I forget how my heart has never really recovered.

I forget that I fear I'll never find her again.

Instead I remember the taste of her skin.

I remember the sounds she made as she climaxed.

I remember that she holds a piece of me.

Later that night, I fall asleep to her glowing image from my phone and her song in my head.

**A/N: Hmm Rockerward not having an easy time of it either... want some more? Of course you do!**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Ohh I miss counted... 2 more after this... can you handle it?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

21

BPOV

For the first time in weeks I'm having a good day. I'm only slightly tired, only my knees hurt and only one side of my head hurts. Fan-fucking-tastic day. Seriously, I'm not kidding. This is the best I have felt in weeks.

It allows me to catch up on all my reading and get started on the labs I have missed. Being sick sucks. Being sick and not knowing why, sucks even more. Each day has been a struggle. I have lost about ten pounds and I really didn't have that much to lose in the first place.

But what is worse is jumping every time the phone rings. I'm scared to pieces when I answer, but then pissed off when it's not the clinic. They said a couple days; it has been three and still no word. I know, I could call them, but if it's bad news, I want to hold off as long as I can.

I'm looking out the window when I hear Midnight Dawn's new radio single playing. I smile as I always do when I think of Edward. I close my eyes and whisper the words to the song. Each note, each measure of music is a part of me. I know this is my song.

It's not because I have wishful thinking. Far from it. But several of the lines in the chorus were taken from the note I left him.

_You are in my heart and my soul. _

_You are the memories I keep._

_Fate found a way for our paths to cross _

_I will hold onto the hope that it will do so once again_

I cried the first time I heard it. I didn't want to know that he missed me as much as I missed him. We had way too many months to go before he came home. Too much time in which things can change. Too much time for feelings to cool down and morph into something cooler, reserved.

That is my biggest fear. That when he comes back, he won't feel as strongly about me as he did when we parted. I know I always will. I'm irrevocably changed and it is because of Edward.

As the last notes of the song play, my phone rings and I pick it up without looking at the screen.

"Hello."

"Is this Bella Swan?"

"Yes it is," I answer, eyes still closed, still feeling Edward's music thrumming through me.

"This is Anita from Student Health Services. Dr. Markell would like you to come in to discuss your test results."

My eyes snap open and my heart beats furiously.

"S-s-sure, when," I manage to stutter out.

"Do you have time this afternoon?"

I nod and realize that she needs me to speak, "Yea, I can be there in an hour."

"That will work."

She hangs up and I realize that both my best friends are in class for the next two hours.

_Shit._

An hour later I'm sitting in the doctor's office, no paper gown, no poking and prodding. Just words and phrases. Meaningless as I comprehend nothing past the first words out of her mouth. But somehow I manage to nod and respond to what she is saying even though I don't hear the words.

She hands me a card of the specialist I have an appointment with later in the week.

I stumble out to the waiting area and collapse into a chair. With shaking hands I text out words I never thought I would use.

_Allie- Need you now. 911 At SHS. Please._

With that done, I give into the shock and grief of my new reality.

**A/N: Song lyrics are my own... forgive me if they suck... Remember... you can make it... do you need my hand? Thoughts? I'd love to hear them!**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Deep breaths... one more after this... can ya feel it.. something big is in the air...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

22

EPOV Los Angeles, California

I watch the waves as they crash against the shore. They are relentless and never tire. Each day that passes without Bella, I feel more like the rocks and sand than I do the water. It is starting to leak through to my relationship with the band.

Em is ready to pound me into the ground and Jasper swears I traded my dick in for a pussy. Rose has already set my ass down and laid it on the line.

Either I need to try and find Bella to establish some long-distance relationship, or for the next few months I need to let it go. Or more appropriately, let Bella go. Once the tour is done we have a two month break before we get started on the next album.

While what she said is harsh, it is the truth. I have to face that if Bella wanted some kind of relationship, she would have left her number. Instead, she left a wish that we could cross paths again. Even though she gave me her love, she also gave us our freedom.

So with a heavy heart, I make my choice. I will place Bella into the special place in my heart, but I must move forward. I will relish this tour and the opportunities it is bringing me and the band.

Only when it's over will I focus on Bella. I let her slip through my fingers once; it will be last time it ever happens.

**A/N: Do you think he made the right choice? One more for the night!**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Last one for the night... I bet you know I'll leave it some place good... hehe**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

23

APOV

Bella's text makes me run out of my class as if my ass is on fire. For her to use the 911 code, something is horribly wrong.

I didn't even know she had another appointment at Health Services. Either she went back in because she got worse or her test results were in.

If it was the later I'm going to be pissed at her. Both Angie and I told her that we would go with her. That she didn't have to face this alone. We should have made her pinkie swear.

But ever since her parents died, she has been like this, independent, strong-willed, determined.

I remember watching her be brave and strong the day she buried her parents. Her tears only came after everyone else had left. Her Grandma came to live with her right after and my dad got a new job six months later. We moved to Chicago

I hated that I wasn't there for her during high school. We kept in touch for the first year, but it got tougher. Somewhere along the line we just stopped calling and sending letters.

It wasn't until she walked into my Intro to Writing class freshman that we were reunited. Since then, I have been her family, along with Angela. My parents make sure she comes to our house for holidays. They treat her like the second child they never got to have.

So when she goes off all alone and half cocked it pisses me off. One of these days she will get it through that thick skull of hers that she has a family she can lean on.

The sight that greets me as I walk into Health Services breaks my heart. Bella is curled around her legs, rocking back and forth. Tears are streaming down her face and her eyes look so lost and vacant.

Fuck, this is bad, really bad.

When she finally sees me, she erupts into body wracking sobs. She clings to me as if she is drowning. My attempt at trying to figure out what is wrong is met with garbled words and stuttered hiccups.

As I take her by the wrist to go out to my car I see that she has something crumpled up in her hand. I pry it lose and when I unravel it, my breathing stops.

Oh, no, please….not Bella.

I look into her tear stained face and see the truth. This is real and it is a matter of life and death.

I wrap my arms around her, "I got you, girl. Come on, I am taking you home."

I get us into the car and as I drive away, Bella finally cries herself to sleep. I reach for my phone and hit the familiar speed dial.

"Mom," I sob into the phone, "I'm coming home, with Bella. She needs us and it doesn't look good."

**A/N: With that.. I'll say good night... I fluv you alll soo hard... its gonna be a bumpy ride... but we can make it through... share your thoughts with me! See you on Saturday!**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: *sits stunned* I... you guys... SIMPLY AMAZING! All your thoughts and reactions.. made me smile and get a little misty eyed as well! I know... I left in a bad spot... but you are all hanging in there. Some of you have asked for hand holding and you got it! Some have started to reach for the kleenex.. just remember.. no littering... so for this morning.. lets get started with 3! Time for a time jump!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

24

EPOV- 6 Months later

Fuck it feels good to be home and in my own fucking bed. I collapse on top of the freshly made bed. I inhale the smell of newly washed sheets, the scent of spring air and lemon furniture polish.

I fucking love Maggie. She takes such good care of me. She is an employee of my parents that watches over my house when I am gone and gets it ready for me when I come back. She also comes and cleans for me twice a week. I'm lost without her.

"Welcome home, Edward. Where is the dirty laundry I'm sure you have?"

I sit up to see her with a warm smile on her face. I open my arms to her and she envelopes me in a strong hug.

"Missed you, Mags. You and your cooking." I give her my best crooked smirk which earns me a pinch on my cheek.

"Dinner is in the oven, the timer is set. Now, your laundry." She tries to give me a stern glare but it doesn't last long.

"Already in the laundry room waiting for your TLC." She gives me a kiss and a wave as she heads towards the mountain of dirty clothes I have.

I'm rifling through my dressers looking for something to change into after my shower when my phone rings. I see that it is Peter our manager.

"Hey, Peter, what's up?"

I continue to strip out of my clothes, hoping that this will be a quick call. I just saw the man like two hours ago.

"I forgot to remind you about the hospital fundraiser that is in two days. You and Emmett both stated you would attend. Will you both make it? I need to confirm your attendance."

"Oh, shit. I forgot all about that. Let me check with Emmett and I'll get back to you. I can make it. Just text me the information."

"Will do. Let me call Em, I have to talk to him anyways."

"Sounds fine to me. I'll talk to you later, going to hit the shower."

"Ok, will send that text once I hear from Emmett."

We both hang up and I am in the shower seconds later. My thoughts turn towards Bella and how she has been all these months. I want to look her up, but the first few days back at home is always hectic. Add into all the chaos the annual fundraiser at the hospital and I know I won't be able to do anything for a few days.

But once my days are free, I'm going to find her and I am going to spend time with her.

I finish my shower, dress and make my way down stairs. The timer goes off for the huge dish of homemade mac and cheese Maggie made. A note on the fridge tells me I need to eat the salad that she put in the fridge.

I laugh; Maggie is still trying to make sure I eat my veggies.

When I'm so full I feel like I may puke, I make my way back to my room, climb under the sheets and I'm asleep in seconds.

**A/N: I know.. you want answers right away...you will get them.. soon! I will say.. most of you, after sniffing the wrong trail, are on the right one... so.. you still with me?**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Ready to hear from Bella... hold on...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

25

BPOV

"Hey, Bella. How ya doing?"

I look up to see Sarah, beckoning me back to the treatment rooms. She never fails to have a smile on her face. She is the one bright spot on what is an otherwise dismal day for me.

"Doing ok. Not too tired today." She waits patiently as I organize my stuff. I'm gonna be stuck to this chair for the next hour, I'm going to be comfy damn it.

Once I'm settled with my warm fleece blanket, my iPod and my latest book, I'm all set. She pulls down the top of my shirt to get to the IC catheter taped to my chest. She hooks up the tubing to the tubes coming from the bag of medicine and opens the valve.

"You're all set. I'll check on you in a little bit." She rubs my arm affectionately and walks away.

I find my mellow playlist and begin to read. Thirty minutes later she is changing out the bags and gives me some apple juice.

"How the stomach? Any nausea?" She starts to take my vitals as she talks.

"Nope, so far, so good." I slowly sip on the juice to lessen the chance of me hurling it back up later.

"Um, Alice will be a bit late picking me up. Think I can hang in the garden for a while? It's a nice spring day out there." I give her my best smile; I know she has a hard time saying 'no' to me.

She gives an exaggerated eye roll, "Ok, fine. But you stay in the chair." She gives me her best bitch brow. I know better than argue with that look.

"Ok..ok, fine, you win." Just then a wave of nausea hits and I close my eyes.

I feel her hand in mine, "Breathe through it Bella."

I match my breathing to hers, using it as my focal point. After a few minutes I open my eyes.

"Better?" She asks. I give her a weak nod and smile.

With one last squeeze of my hand she leaves me to my solitude.

Just then one of his songs starts to play. It's a bittersweet reminder of all the things that are now lost to me. A few tears escape as I mourn a future I can never have.

**A/N: It's a bumpy ride... but hold one... one more...**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Hmm I think you'll like this 3rd one... **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

26

EPOV

"Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, we will give you and your family some time before the unveiling. Please, feel free to take a look around."

"Thank you, Lucy," says my Dad as he shakes hands with the hospital's PR person. "We only need a few minutes."

In silence we all watch as she leaves through a side door. When it clangs shut, we all turn to look out at the beautiful skyline.

"Couldn't ask for a more perfect day for this. She would have loved a day like this." My Mom is the first to break the silence. She walks around the huge room inspecting the different areas.

"Yes she would have," replies my Dad. Emmett and I stare silently out the huge bay windows that let tons of natural light spill into the room.

I close my eyes and try to picture the way she looked before she got sick. It's hard for me to do as time moves on. It's hard to remember the way her hair bounced as she ran, the tone of her laugh, or the exact shade of green of her eyes as she smiled.

My Mom slips her hand into mine, breaking me from my train of thoughts.

"Ready, boys?"

We give her shaky nods and we head towards the same door Lucy exited from. Out in the hallway Lucy stands waiting for us. She walks us around the corner and right in front of a set of double doors that has a bright pink ribbon across it.

Lucy gestures to someone down the hall and suddenly a horde of photographers and journalists come barreling down towards us. Emmett and I flank our parents and we put on our brave faces despite feeling quite the opposite.

When everyone is settled, Lucy stands to face the crowd.

"Welcome to the unveiling of the newest addition to the Pediatric Wing of Northwestern Memorial. It is through the gracious charitable donation of our very own Dr. Carlisle Cullen, his wife Esme and their sons, Emmett and Edward, that this latest addition was made possible."

Once done speaking she turns towards my mother and hands her a rather large pair of scissors. She then gestures to my father to say a few words.

"Thank you all for coming out here today. This new room means a lot to me and my family. It is never easy when you have a family member fall ill. It's even harder when it is one of your own children. The care, support and love that we received while our little girl was here was invaluable to our family. We are only too willing to show our appreciation for all that the hospital has done for our family."

He takes a pause to check on my mom who is sniffling quietly, Emmett's hand grasped firmly in hers.

"So, without further delay, ladies and gentlemen, we give you the Elizabeth Cullen Memorial Playroom."

**A/N: Well SNAP... whats this all about... hmmm can't wait to hear your thoughts!**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Ok.. OK... remember... I have rules! I see I have some more in need of hand holding.. ya got it! Tissues in the trash cans please..they are getting a little deep.. and remember.. nerf balls are soft.. you really dont want to hurt me! 1 of 3...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, I am playing in the sandbox. ENJOY!**

27

BPOV

I close my eyes as Sarah removes the tubing, sterilizes it and re-tapes it to my chest. She gathers my book and iPod, placing them in my bag. I keep my eyes closed, trying to regain my equilibrium. I always get nauseous and woozy at the end of a treatment.

"Ready to go girl?" she asks.

I give her a thumbs up, too afraid to nod my head.

She steadies me as I transfer from the treatment chair to the wheelchair. We don't speak as she slowly walks me out to the gardens. I have only been out here a few times. The first few times were early in my treatments, before I got too sick to come out. With the spring weather I hope to get out more.

"So, do you know how much more you have to go this round?" Sarah asks.

"I have a check-up in a few weeks and I'll find out then. I'm hoping this can be my last round." I sent a silent prayer that this would be true.

Too many times I had hoped that things were on the rebound and then my blood work would come back and I would be right back at it.

"Where do you want me to park you?" She opens the door out to the garden.

"Over by the benches, under the cherry blossom tree." I inhale deeply and am assaulted by the fragrance of cherry blossom, sun and fresh dirt. Looking around I see several new flower beds were planted.

She parks me next to a bench and places my bag by the wheel. She locks the chair so I can't roll away and gives me a pat on the arm.

"Take it easy for the next few days, come back if things get out of hand, okay?"

I smile at her and nod. "Will do. Thanks, Sarah. I'll text Alice where to find me."

"See ya next week." I watch as she walks away.

I send Alice a quick text letting her know where she can find me when she picks me up. I don't expect a reply as she is still in class.

I close my eyes to let the warm spring sun try to warm me up. I pull my blanket tighter around me and try to clear my mind. Hearing his song earlier made me realize that he would be home soon if he wasn't already.

My heart skips a beat, still, at the thought of him. Part of me longs for him and the possibility we could had been. But the realities of my health situation have pushed those thoughts aside. My new reality is just trying to make it through each day.

Trying to occupy my mind with something other than Edward, I watch other people as they stroll along the walk ways. With the warmer weather, there are more people out than normal. People watching is a new past time of mine as it requires very little energy on my part. A good thing as there is days when I have little extra energy to expend.

I'm so absorbed in looking around, that I startle when someone speaks my name.

"Bella, is that you?"

**A/N: Well you all wanted them to meet... #2 coming up!**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Ok.. OK... remember... I have rules! I see I have some more in need of hand holding.. ya got it! Tissues in the trash cans please..they are getting a little deep.. and remember.. nerf balls are soft.. you really dont want to hurt me! 1 of 3...**

28

EPOV

My family stands to the side as we watch journalists and families explore Lizzie's room. My mother has tears in her eyes and a death grip on my father's arm. Emmett is busy talking to some of the patients who are well enough to traverse to the room.

I try to keep memories of Lizzie looking all thin and sickly at bay, but it's no use. Being back in this hospital and in this wing especially brings it all back. Feeling the need to get out and get some air, I catch my Dad's eyes and motion that I am leaving. I know that he understands, anything to do with Lizzie still affects me.

Lizzie was a surprise addition to our family. I was ten and Em was eleven. We all doted on her, she was loved, spoiled and the princess of the family. Even with the large age gap between us, we shared a special connection.

She was diagnosed with childhood leukemia when she was four. It devastated our family. We all rallied around her, doing whatever we needed to do to help her fight the disease. With Dad's connections at the hospital, Lizzie had access to the latest treatments and therapies.

She spent the next three years in and out of the hospital, in and out of remission. My parents did the best they could, trying to balance life with two healthy kids and one sick one. Emmett and I did whatever we could to make things easier on them.

When she died, a little more than three and half years after her diagnosis our family fractured. Dad threw himself into his work; Emmett escaped into college and I threw myself into my last year of high school and my music. We left mom to fend for herself and it was almost too late before we realized how bad she got. That summer I graduated high school we got family counseling and dealt with the demons of our grief.

When I finally stopped my trip down memory lane, I found myself in the memorial garden. Without conscious thought, my feet walk me to the place I always go when I come here. I kneel down at the brick and trace the letters with my hand:

_Elizabeth 'Lizzie' Cullen_

_Our Angel in Heaven_

"Miss you every day, Princess."

With a heavy heart, I force myself upright and start back down the path to the hospital. I glance up ahead and pause.

_It can't be? Can it?_

The profile looks like her. But the woman before me is ill, very ill. A soft smile graces her face and I can see traces of the woman I used to know.

Before I can process anything else, I speak, "Bella, is that you?"

**A/N: Thoughts? Ok... next one... they are face to face...**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: I forgot to change this note in the last chapter... here is 3 of 3... I know your gonna hate me...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

29

BPOV

I close my eyes at the sound of his voice. Maybe if I wish hard enough it will all be a bad dream.

It isn't supposed to happen this way. He isn't supposed to find me looking like this, like a shell of the woman he once knew. I grasp my blanket closer to me, as if that could shield me, like my former long hair used to do for me.

I hear him take a step forward and then stop. Without my permission, my head looks in his direction. I see every emotion flit across his face, all the ones I never wanted to witness. There in his eyes I see shock, grief, pity, and fear.

Gone are the emotions of need, desire, want and lust.

My heart tightens and I feel myself grasping for air.

_Please, Alice, someone, take me away from here._

I feel my eyes well up with tears and I'm helpless as a few escape. I watch as his mouth opens and closes, unable to find words to say to me.

After all, what could he say?

I want to look away, but my thirsty eyes drink him up. My memories did not do him justice. He looks leaner as if he lost a few pounds while on the road. His face is covered in light scruff. My body tingles with remembrance of how that felt against my skin.

His hair is ablaze in its wild untamed glory. My fingers twitch with an urge to feel its silky softness. His eyes dart to and fro, searching for something other than my emaciated frame to look upon. His jaw clenches with tension and his body vibrates with nervous energy.

"Edward," I choke out. More tears fall and I turn away. I hate that he is seeing me at my weakest point. I close my eyes and wait for him to speak.

The silence lays heavy around us, neither one of us willing to give into that final temptation. I bite my lip in an attempt to silence the sobs that are threatening to break free. I'm desperate to escape and curse my illness for robbing me of my dignity.

"Bella!" I hear Alice's worried cry and I weep for joy.

She reaches my side and cling to her.

I pull her down and whisper brokenly into her ear, "Get me out of here, please. "

I see the confusion on her face. "Isn't that Edward over there? Don't you want to talk to him?"

I turn my tear stained face to her, "Please, Alice, now."

She gives me a sad look and then nods. Without another word spoken, she pushes me right by a frozen Edward.

**A/N: I know.. I know... I see the nerf balls headed my way.. but if ya think about it... his reaction makes sense... I want to hear your thoughts!**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Ok..ok.. ok.. here is Edward... and yes.. there will be a HEA... can ya hold on? We can do this! LOVE TO YOU ALL!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

30

EPOV

In a daze I watch as Alice wheels Bella away. I can clearly see the tears as they stream down her face and my heart lurches.

Why is she crying? Is she in pain? Does she hate me for not contacting her while I was gone?

But bigger questions are; What's wrong with Bella? How long has she been ill? Is she going to be alright?

But like the idiot that I am, I just stared at her. When she spoke I just stopped and looked at her.

The images of her tears, the pain on her face and the shock at seeing me play in a never ending loop in my head. I stagger to the nearest bench and plop down. My head rests in my hands. My head is a swirling mass of confusion, pain, fear and longing.

This is all too fucking much for me to process.

I am not sure how long I had been sitting, before Emmett found me.

"Edward, are you okay?"

I look up at him and shake my head. "No, not in the least. I saw Bella." I hear a low gasp from him, but I forge ahead. "She is a patient here, Em. She is getting chemo, I think."

His heavy frame sits next to me, "Wow, holy shit. Did you talk to her? Find out what's going on?"

I start to shake my head before he finishes talking.

"No. Like an ass I just stared at her." I hear Emmett snort beside me. "I was just soo floored to be seeing her and then to see her looking so…so… unlike Bella. I was stunned." I stare at the ground below me. "You should have seen her, Em," I whisper. "She looked so small, so frail. She had lost all her hair; she looked as if she'd lost at least twenty pounds. She was pale and sallow."

I look up at him and I am sure my face expressed the torturous feelings raging inside me.

"I just come from being at Lizzie's brick and with all the thoughts of her and what we went through fresh in my mind, I just fucking froze."

I snort in disgust, "You should have seen her, she practically begged Alice to get her away from me." I hang my head in shame.

I feel his hand on my back.

"Well, you did say you froze. Maybe she's worried that you don't want anything to do with her now that she is sick."

My head snaps up to look at him. He gives me a small shrug.

Is that what she is thinking?

"Maybe you need try and talk to her."

All I could do is stare, dumfounded, at him. When he sees that I'm not going to reply, he claps me on my back again.

"Let's go, Mom and Dad was looking for you. Got to wrap this little party up."

I give him a shaky nod and silently follow him back up to Lizzie's room with a mind full of Bella.

**A/N: See... he's beating himself up... ok.. see ya in later... till them.. how are we all doing?/ Hangingin there? Thoughts?**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: *sigh* You guys rock! I know... its getting a bit rocky.. but it will all work out. One thing I want to clear up! BOTH Edward and Bella treated that night as if it would be thier only night. Like Edward said, if she wanted me to contact her, she would have left her number. But she didn't. She didn't want to put them thru a long distance thing. This is just what happened as a result of that choice. Several coming your way!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

31

BPOV

We drive home in silence. Alice, seeing my resolve in not wanting to discuss what she walked into, concentrates on getting me home. I close my eyes and focus on keeping it together until we can get home. Then I can fall apart.

When Alice pulls into the drive, there is a flurry of activity. Alice's mom, Cynthia Brandon, greets me with a smile.

"How you feeling sweetie?" She runs a hand across my forehead. "No fever, any vomiting or pain?"

"No, just a bit queasy."

Cynthia turns around, "Kate, Bella's here."

I look up to see the private nurse the Brandon's hired to help care for me when I moved here after my diagnosis. At first I was reluctant for help when Alice brought me here. We compromised and I stayed with Alice in the apartment above the garage. But when Alice found me huddled in the bathroom after one of my chemo appointments, Cynthia refused to accept 'no' for an answer.

That very instant, I was moved into a room in the main house and Kate was hired to help me out. She has been invaluable to me. In the beginning I was so weak and anemic that Kate had to do everything for me. She helped me as I vomited, bathed me when I was too weak to lift my arms and kept me as fed as my stomach allowed.

But the generosity of the Brandon's didn't end there. Knowing how much Angela meant to me and Alice, they moved her in with us. Now she and Alice live in the apartment above the garage. On my good days I hang out with them like old times.

The only regret I have is that I had to withdraw from school. I rarely had the energy to get out of bed, much less to attend class, labs and keep up with the work. My girls held me as I cried when I made the decision.

After Kate gets me changed into comfy clothes and into bed, she scampers off to get me a snack and my after chemo meds. The second she out of the room, there is Alice, slinking in and sitting on my bed looking all innocent.

"Alice," I beseech.

She holds up her hand, "I know, not right now, but we will."

She gives that look that tells me that arguing would be pointless. I give her a terse nod as Kate comes back in the room.

"I hope you're behaving in here Alice, Bella needs her rest now."

Alice rubs my leg over the blankets, "Just checking up on her, Kate. I have some homework I should get going on. I'll come and check on ya later, ok Bella?"

I smile, "Sure." She gives me a pointed look and leaves.

"Here is some juice and your meds." Kate hands me a small cup with several medications inside. I take them at once and wash them down with half the cup of juice. I let Kate take my vitals and she helps me to settle down for a nap.

When I am alone in the dark, I close my eyes and see him behind my eyes. His pain and confusion clearly evident. My last conscious thought is if that is the last I would ever see of him.

**A/N: Love everyone of your reviews... honestly, I am.. I read them out loud to my hubby and I think he is getting annoyed with me! Keep them coming!**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Shall we check in on Edward?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

32

EPOV

When I arrive home after being at the hospital, I pace, furiously. My mind is a jumble and I have no clue how I am feeling or what I should I do.

Emmett's words swirl in the chaotic mess. My heart aches for her and whispers for me to find her. I shake my head in a vain attempt to clear out the noise. When that does nothing to alleviate my confusion I slump down on my couch and throw my head back.

What the fuck do I want?

What the fuck is the right thing to do?

Behind my closed eyes I see the wildly different Bellas. One is so full of life and passion, with dark eyes flashing fire and want. The other is still, shrunken, pale and ghostly, no sparks of life within her dull brown orbs.

This isn't how I pictured our reunion.

But still, there is the connection, the draw I feel for her. Time had not lessened it like I feared. Instead, it felt alive and vibrant.

Could I take of her? Did I want to take care of her? Would she even want me around her?

The way she asked Alice to get her out of there was a sharp knife to my spirit.

_Umm, ya just stared at her asshole. What was she too think? _

Ohh fuck, she must have thought the worse!

What if I had fucked things up too bad to make them right?

The idea of never seeing her again sent a sharp pain in my chest.

_There is your answer buddy._

I sat up. I had to see her once more to say I am sorry.

Just then maybe we could see if something can grow between us.

Now I needed to figure out how to find her.

**A/N: See.. he wants to at least make things right between them. Want a few more? Thoughts?**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: This will be the calm before another storm.. we all take a few deep breaths... now.. Bella...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

33

BPOV

A few days have passed and I'm feeling better. I am sitting in the living room of Alice and Angie's place watching as Ang models prospective outfits for her date with Ben later tonight.

She models yet another skirt and shirt combo and Alice is studying her with a critical eye. I smile to see the exasperated look on Angie's face. She hates this, dressing up. But it's their first date seeing as he finally got the nerve to ask her out.

"Please, just say yes, Alice. I'm tired. I was up last night finishing homework to have tonight free. I want to nap."

I hide my snicker behind the sleeve of my sweat shirt.

"Keep the shirt and go with the longer skirt you tried on first," proclaims Alice.

I laugh when I see the look of relief on Ang's face as she runs out of the room. Of course, that means that Alice's attention is now focused on me.

"So, are you going to talk about it?" She plucks at her shirt; an air of concern surrounds her.

I sigh. "What is there to say Alice?" I look at her with wide eyes.

She looks at me, "What happened to make you want to get out of there so fast? Don't tell me nothing. I know better."

I close my eyes and nod. I have to tell someone, it is churning around in my gut making me feel crazy.

"I don't know what he was doing there. One second I'm by myself and then I hear his voice." I try to restrain that shiver that races down my back thinking of his voice. "Then he just stood there looking at me."

I shook my head, "I just don't know, Alice. It all happened so fast and I hated him seeing me like that, like this, I just wanted to leave."

Alice places her hand on my knee, "Honey, I am sure he was in shock. I mean he didn't know what has been going on the last few months."

I nod at her words. I have told myself the same thing since I have seen him. Still, there is a part of me that is scared.

"Question is what do you want to happen now?"

I look at her, showing all the fear and longing I have spiraling out of control in my heart.

"Alice…," I whisper, "what if…there is…." A few tears fall upon my clasped hands.

"You can't think like that, Bella. You are going to beat this." She hugs me close.

I wish I had her optimism.

**A/N: What do you think she is thinking? What is she fearing?**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Thanks for sticking by me.. I know its not easy! I think a few more after this!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

34

EPOV

"Come on, Jasper, you have to help me!"

I look at my best friend, pleading with him to help me, to understand.

I had already been down to their school, hoping to maybe run into them or something. But that damned campus is so fucking big, it would have taken a miracle to find them.

I had considered asking Dad to look her up in the hospitals computer system but I knew he would give me a twenty minute lecture on privacy laws and all that shit. It wouldn't have been helpful in the least.

Which puts me where I am now, at Jazz's place, begging.

Emmett let it slip that he has been in touch with Alice a few times since we have been back. Turns out he is a little smitten with the tiny woman. Also, I knew for a fact that he has a date with her.

"Dude, you're seriously asking me to use my relationship with Alice to help you out. It's a NEW thing and you want me to help you out?"

I nod my head vigorously.

"Yes, I fucked up and I'm trying to make it right. Come on," I whine. "You saw what I was like on the road. There is something intense between us. I can't let it go." I close my eyes against the small spasm of pain that flares at the thought of never seeing Bella again.

"Jazz, please, for me?" I hate that I sound so weak and pathetic.

He levels me with an intense stare, "I will ask her when we go out. But not before. You will wait patiently and when I have some information I'll text you. Take it or leave it."

I nod with a huge smile. "Thanks man, I appreciate it. Really, I do."

Later that night I lay in my bed thinking of Bella and seeing her again. There is so much I have to tell her. But before any of that, I need to make her realize how sorry I am for what happened at the hospital.

I can be the man she needs me to be; I just need to convince her of that.

**A/N: Hmm.. Edward appears to be willing to man up! Thoughts?**


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: Another cuz I love you soo much!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

35

BPOV

"Are you sure you're fine with me going out tonight, Bella?"

The look of concern on Alice's face was heartwarming. I know how much she is looking forward to this date with Jasper. It has been all she could talk about. He is the first date she has gone on since my diagnosis. There is no need for both us to be sexless.

"Yea, go, Alice. Let me live vicariously through you." Just then a wave of nausea hit and I reach for the basin sitting on bedside table. I throw up the little snack I thought I could keep down. I swish my mouth with some water and spit it out.

"Still feeling sick?" I give her a small nod.

I had another chemo appointment yesterday. The throwing up usually lasts a day and then I am just weak for a few. But every once in awhile the after effects get worse and last longer than normal.

"I hate leaving you like this." She looks away. My illness is so hard on her. Sometimes I feel like I hold her back.

I clasp her hand in mine, "I'll be fine. Kate is here, so is your mom. You know I'll just be sleeping. No need for you to hang around like that. Go and have fun with Jasper. For me?"

I give her the best smile I can muster.

She looks at me warily, "Ok, just for you." She then erupts into giggles.

I give her a genuine smile, "Girl, I have seen Jasper, he is one fine looking man."

"But he's no Edward is he?"

I feel myself blush, something I haven't done in a while.

"I see that blush. You are so busted." She pauses and quiets down. "You still have a thing for him don't you?"

I nod, "Even in that short time we stared at each other I felt the pull to him. I can still remember the way his skin felt against mine."

"Then don't lose hope." She gives me a kiss on my cheek. "I'll come see you tomorrow as I'm sure I'll get in late."

"Sounds good. Have fun." I wave as she walks out my door.

"Do you want to take a shower, Bella?" asks Kate as she comes into my room.

"Yea. I would love to."

I see her eye the basin on the floor. "Got nauseous?"

"Yea, looks like one of those times."

She pats my hand.

"I got you." She then busies herself in helping me get to the bathroom and into the shower. With how weak I feel, she makes me sit on the shower chair and then lets me wash myself.

She hands me a terry cloth robe that will dry me quickly and then helps to rub vitamin lotion into my skin. When we are done, she helps me into some comfy pants, long sleeve shirt and my favorite hoodie.

When we open the door back into my room, I stop and almost faint.

"Hello, Bella."

**A/N: Well... who could that be? One more so you can find out! **


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: ALL QUESTIONS ANSWERED HERE! Last one for a while!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

36

EPOV

I know I shouldn't be following Jasper as he picks up Alice, but I need to find Bella. Something in my gut tells me that someone at Alice's will know where Bella lives. Jasper did tell me that Alice lives with Angela. So I figured that she would for sure know where Bella is.

As my luck would have it, no one is home at the apartment over the garage that Jasper picked Alice up from, which is why I'm at the front door of the main house.

The maid that answers the door tells me that Bella lives here and takes me to her room. When she closes the door, I look around. It is homey and feels like Bella. The sight of the puke basin by the bed makes my heart leap right out of my chest. It only hits home the fact that Bella really is sick.

I hear movement behind a closed door and I assume that it is a bathroom. I take a seat in a chair that's near the bed but has a good view of that door.

When it opens up, my heart stops and I forget to breathe.

"Hello, Bella," I say. My eyes are transfixed on her. She looks so beautiful, even in her frailty.

"Edward?" she says.

"Do you know this man, Bella?" asks a woman who is standing behind her.

Bella nods her head, "Yes, Kate. It's ok." She never takes her eyes off me and my heart soars.

I watch as Kate helps Bella get into bed. "Do you want anything?"

"No, I am fine, thank you. If I need you I'll call." Kate gives her a pointed look. "Seriously, Kate, I will."

Kate stares for a second and then nods her head before she makes her way out of the room.

Bella starts to fiddle with edge of a blanket. "What are you doing here, Edward," her words are nothing more than whispers.

"Trying to make things right between us," I tell her. Her eyes snap to mine. "I didn't do the right thing when I saw you. I froze Bella."

"It's ok, I understand why you did," she interrupts pulling the hood of her hoodie over her bald head.

I couldn't watch her cover herself up; I walk over to the bed and sit down next to her. I pull the hood down, "You don't have to do that. You are still as beautiful as I remembered."

She snorts, "I call bullshit Edward. You have no fucking clue."

I don't recoil from her anger, she is scared. I can see it in her eyes. "Then tell me Bella. I want to know." I reach over and twine my hand in hers. "I want to be there for you."

For a brief second I see hope flash in her eyes, before she narrows them.

"You want to know, Edward?" I nod and she continues. "Fine, I was diagnosed with leukemia or acute myelogenous leukemia to be precise, about a month after you left. I've been getting chemo on and off since then. I had to quit school when I became too tired to go to class. I watched as my hair fell out and moved in with my best friend."

I feel my body rock as her words pour out. Luekemia. Just like Lizzie. No, I can't think like that. This is Bella. She's a fighter.

Tears are falling like rivers down her cheeks. I grab a Kleenex from the bedside table and wipe her face. I want to ease her pain and suffering. I want to be there for her.

She tells me how Alice's parents have been helping her with everything, even providing Kate for her.

"Not what you wanted to come back home to see is it, Edward?"

I smile, "All I wanted to come back to was you, Bella."

**A/N: He knows, you know... what do you think? Smooth sailing? See you later tonight..until then.. Thoughts? Comments?**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: OMG... soo sorry for the huge delay... RL just got sooo crazy... so just a few as I am tired. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews.. I am overwhelmed! LOVE YOU ALL! You guys are gonna make me cry! So we left with Edward declaring to Bella.. he just want to be with her... let's see ehat Bella says...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

37

BPOV

I look at him. Can he be serious? Is he fucking blind?

"Just not this Bella, right? The one that is sick, bald, weak, and pathetic." I couldn't help but snarl at him.

He needs to understand that I'm not the same Bella, that I'm a shell of that one. I can never be that Bella again. She is gone.

"You are the same Bella to me. The things that made me notice you are still inside you."

His hand touches my heart and I swear I feel that familiar tingle zoom through my body. It's been so long since I felt it.

"I still see your beauty, your hair didn't define that. I see your spirit and will to fight. This illness doesn't need to define you and I won't let it define how I see you."

Is he for real? Tears are streaming so fast that he is blurry and that just won't do. I need to see him. I have gone far too long without seeing him.

But my heart doesn't rule, my mind does and it tells me this won't last.

"Edward, be serious. I'm sick. I'm in no place to be in a relationship when I can barely take care of myself."

He places his fingers on my lips to quiet me and I want to lick them.

"Then let me take care of you." His voice is so smooth and sincere; his eyes are clear and bright.

Ohh how I want to believe him.

I shake my head at his statement and at the desires running rampant in my body.

"No, I couldn't ask that of you. I wouldn't want you to." I turn away from him; his eyes are too intense for me.

"I'm offering, Bella." His voice washes over me.

"Why?" I scream at him in frustration. "Why, Edward? Why?" I sob. He pulls me closer and I'm surrounded by the scent of him.

"Because I have stayed away as long as I could. Nothing can pull me away from you. In fact everything in me is pulling towards you."

My heart leaps at his words and fuck if I want to believe them. But I know I'm damaged, I know that I'm not enough for him.

But for the first time since my parents and Nonna died, I feel cherished. I feel safe in his arms and I thought that I had lost the ability to feel that when I buried Nonna a week after I graduated high school.

For the first time in years I want to lean on someone and not feel as if I'm a burden. Even with Alice, Ang and the whole Brandon family, I feel like an obligation. I don't want to be that with Edward. I want to share his life; I want to share what's left of mine with him.

I wind my arms around him and nuzzle close.

"I don't want you to stay away either."

**A/N: She's scared and hurting. I am gonna try to get 2 more out... **


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: OMG... I am tired..one more after this!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

38

EPOV

I'm not blind or naïve, I know that there is a struggle ahead. I'm unsure of Bella's prognosis and what stage her leukemia is in. But I do know that I will be by her side.

I can do this, I have to.

I hold her until she falls asleep. I tuck her in and give her cheek a kiss. In slumber she looks at peace, free from the pain and the illness that plagues her waking hours. I want to spend the rest of the night just watching her sleep. But I know this bond we have reestablished is fragile.

I can feel that Bella is holding back. I understand. So much in her life is uncertain right now. It will take time for her to see that she can trust me, that she can count on me, depend on me. I want her to. But to do that, I need to talk to Jasper, Emmett and Rose.

We had plans for this break. The first is to start working on our next album. We had also been thinking of playing small gigs here and there; keep it within Illinois and surrounding states. We had figured the next album would take us about six months. I have written several songs and started to lay down the tracks.

But with Bella's illness, I'm hoping we can spread things out. Not spend all our time on the album. Take our time, enjoy some time off. I can only hope that the rest of them understand.

I send a quick text to them asking to meet tomorrow for breakfast meeting. When they text back that they'll be there, I call Maggie asking for her cooking help. She agrees easily, excited to see the rest of them.

My last task for the night is to leave Bella with a note to let her know I'll be in touch. I leave my number and jot down hers when I find her phone. With one last kiss on her forehead, I show myself out.

Kate finds me as I'm almost to the door.

"How is she," she asks and it's not hard to miss the concern in her voice.

"Sleeping, I tucked her in. I want to thank you for all the care you have given to her. Bella told me how the Brandon's hired you to assist her. I can't thank you enough for that." I give her a gentle smile.

Kate gives me a slow once over and snorts, "I do it not because it's my job, but because I care about Bella. She is a strong woman that has had to shoulder more than her share of heartache and pain." She gives me a calculated look. "I don't want you adding to it, if you catch my meaning."

She throws me a withering bitch brow and I find myself a bit nervous.

"That's not my intention, Kate. I want to help her through this…I…I've had personal experience with leukemia. I understand what's involved. I would never think to hurt or cause Bella any pain."

For a few moments, Kate just simply stares at me and I let her. My gaze never wavers from her and I allow her stare down. She is only doing her duty as nurse and her friend. I respect that. When I past whatever test she is giving me, she nods and opens the door.

"Don't make me regret this, Edward," she warns before she shuts the door on me.

**A/N: Ohh Kate is all momme bear on her! Thoughts? One more... **


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: One more for the night. This means for tomorrow.. I am going to FLOOD your inbox..we have almost 30 more left to go! Can ya handle that?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

39

BPOV

_Bella,_

_I carried your words everywhere I went. For months they lived not only in pocket, but in my heart and soul. I know how hard it is for you to let me in, to let me be there for you. Thank you for that honor, I will cherish it. I know together we can get through anything. I can't wait to see and talk to you again. Until then, I hope my words will keep you company._

_Yours, _

_Edward_

I read the words over and over, my heart screaming in joy. He cares, he really cares about me. But the cynical brain that rationalizes everything tries to break up the love fest. It asks me what do I really know about him, beyond the superficial.

I admit it's not much, but what I feel for Edward is something deep, intangible, and almost cosmic. There is a pull that draws us to each other. When he is in the room, there is no way that my body can't respond to him. It feels like an involuntary reaction to him.

It's a heady feeling, but one that scares the shit out of me. Because if has this hold on me now, what happens when my entire heart and soul is invested in him and us. While it has the potential to be a love and bond like none other, it also holds the ability to break me like nothing ever has.

Not like the day my parents and Nonna died or the day I got my diagnosis. Those experiences will seem like a drop in the bucket compare to what I would feel if this thing with Edward fails.

I'm not sure I can protect myself enough to buffer my heart.

I place his note in my pocket and walk to Alice's apartment. I want to hear about her date with Jasper and maybe try to get some objective advice on what to do about Edward. Something tells me that I'm way over my head and I have no idea how to tread water.

**A/N: Hmm what should she do? Again.. thanks everyone.. you have no idea how much I enjoy your reviews! Good night!**


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: GOOD MORNING! Hmmm waking up to your reviews was the best way to start my day! To reward you.. here is 6.. yes.. you heard me right... 6 coming your way. Let's see what Edward is up to!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

40

EPOV

"She's got leukemia?" said Emmett with wide questioning eyes. Rose is behind him rubbing his back.

I give him a nod. "She was diagnosed shortly after we left on tour. I just found out yesterday."

"How are you handling it," asks Jasper.

Both he and Rose understood what it was like when Lizzie died. They watched as our family fracture in trying to deal with it. Hell, I think in the weeks and months afterward I practically lived at Jasper's house. The grief in mine was too overwhelming.

"Shocked, surprised, scared, worried, you name it, I felt it. The good thing is that hers isn't like Lizzie's Out of all the kinds of leukemia to have, hers is rather curable if it's caught early enough."

One of the first things I had done when I got home was research her type. The relief I felt at seeing how good of a chance at remission she has is staggering. My eyes welled up in joy. Lizzie's was chronic; there was never any real hope for her to recover.

"So, what does this have to do with us?" Leave it to Rose to get right to the point. She isn't being callous; she just wants to get down to the heart of the matter.

I take a deep breath knowing that my ability to keep my promise to Bella rests in my bands hands. "I'm hoping that you would be on board with taking our time with the next album, not rushing into recording it. I really want to be with Bella, to help her through this." I look at them all, "It's important for me to be there for her."

I look at each of them. Emmett is concerned with how I'll handle all of this. Rose looks surprised that I feel this way about a girl and Jasper looks happy. Out of all of them, he alone knew the true extent of how I really feel about Bella.

He was the one I went to talk to when it was hard being away from her. He was the one to help me make sense of the jumble of emotions that threatened to crush me with their weight.

Their silence is uncomfortable and disheartening. As I start to beg and plead my case, Rose speaks up.

"You want us to basically give you some more time to spend with Bella? Not rush into recording and such?"

I nod and beseech them with my eyes to understand. I had to do this.

"I think that's more than fine with me," Jasper finally replies. I turn quickly to Em and Rose.

They look at each other, doing that silent married communication that I'm slightly jealous of before Em turns to me, "We are fine as well. But I say you have to tell Peter."

With that we all laugh and the tension and anxiety I feel, melts away.

**A/N: Awww..isn't Rockerward sweet. Ok.. listen up folks here is how today will go... its going to be an up and down day... these two have a lot going on and things are gonna get dicey. But I do promise a HEA. We have like 35+ chapters to get thru, so strap in and hang tight. OK?**


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: 2 0f 6... let's see how Bella is doing today. Like Edward said in the last chapter, the type of luekemia that Bella has is one of the most cureable ones to have... sooo.. see... I gave you aHEA clue there!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

41

BPOV

I watch Alice as she describes in detail her date with Jasper. Her eyes light up with an excitement I haven't seen in a long time. She is laughing, smiling and looks genuinely happy.

"Oh, Bella, the way that he talks, in that slow sexy drawl," she pauses as a shiver runs down her body, "it's just too fucking sexy." She plops down on the bed we're sitting on.

"He is absolutely perfect, Bella. Sweet, kind, charming, sexy, he's just…ungh!" She giggles when I give her a look to say 'where-is-my friend-Alice'.

"So I take it that the night was a raging success then?" She rolls her eyes at my less than wanted sarcasm. "Do you have plans to see him again?"

I stuff down a small flicker of jealousy. It is so easy for her to be with Jasper, to explore their blossoming romance. For the first time I really curse my illness for all the possibilities it is robbing me of with Edward.

"Yes. He said he'll call tomorrow to make some plans for later in the week. I can't wait!" she squeals as she kicks her feet on the bed in giddiness.

"Edward stopped by," I blurt and then blush.

Alice pops up, "What did you say?"

"Edward stopped by last night, to see me," I mumble.

Alice's eyes grow wide, "Tell me everything! Does he know?"

I nod my head. "I told him." I go on to explain how I told him the whole story and then about his pledge to be there for me.

When I'm done, I bite my lip, waiting to see her reaction.

"Oh, Bella! This is perfect. You two are meant for each other." She gives a dreamy dramatic sigh.

"But, Alice…it's not right. There is no reason for him to want to help me." I close my eyes against the sudden wave of pain. "I feel like I'm holding him back, taking care of me. This is no way to be in a relationship." I clench my eyes tighter to keep the sudden rush of tears that spring into my eyes.

"Oh, Bella," replies Alice, "you can't think like that. You two have a connection that is rare, special. You need to hold onto that with both hands."

I open my mouth to protest, but Alice places her fingers on my mouth, "Bella, you must believe that you are going to beat this. You have a doctor appointment soon. There you will find out that you getting better. So you hold onto him."

I nod my head in agreement although my heart isn't in it. How can it when there is so much that could go wrong. He could decide that it's too much to take care of me and leave. Or if I beat this, what if I'm infertile? He deserves a whole woman, not one broken and scarred.

But that isn't the worst of my fears. No, the worst is that I will die and leave him behind. That he will have wasted his time with me when he could have been with the woman he is meant to be with. How can I take that away from him?

"But, Alice," I protest, my fears unable to stay silent any longer. "What if…how can I…it's just not fair…"I trail off, the words that I want to say are stuck in my throat. I let the tears fall.

"What if I die," I finally mange to whisper, "I just can't do that to him."

With that off my chest, I collapse into Alice's waiting arms.

**A/N: Sooo mahy of my wonderful readers guessed that was Bella's fear. It makes sense. Thank you to all who are sharing their personal stories with cancer, I am overwhelmed that you would share such a personal and sometimes tragic story with me. Although I have no personal stories with cancer. So, when this idea came into my head, I really wanted to explore an intimate relationship with two people that have to deal with real problems. So this is their emotional journey. THANK YOU!**


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: 3 of 6. Thanks, again.. I can't say it enough!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

42

EPOV

The next day is bright and sunny and I have a fucking smile on my face. It's all about Bella. I had the best dream about her and me. She was healthy, her hair was back, and we were together. It was absolutely perfect.

So today is the day that I'm going to start make that happen.

First thing, text Bella. We have lots of time to make up and there is no time like the present. The band isn't due in the studio for about a week. Peter wasn't too happy when I told him we were taking some much needed rest.

But when I reminded him of all the work we have done over the past two and half years with little to no down time, he agreed. I know that he worries we will miss our break, but honestly we are in this for the music, not the money. I know for a fact that the four of us could walk away from the band and never look back.

I shower and as I wait for my pop tarts to toast, I sent Bella a text.

**Beautiful- I want to see you today? Please?- E**

My phone dings with an incoming text as my pop tarts jump from the toaster.

**Would love to see you. When?- B**

My heart feels as if it will pound straight out of my heart.

Would it be too much if I told her now?

No, I need a plan. But first I need to know how she is doing today.

**How are you feeling today?-E**

I take a few bites before she replies.

**Tired, so we can't to nothing to strenuous. Sorry.-B**

Oh my sweet girl, nothing to be sorry for. Instantly plans form in my head and I can't help but smile.

**No problem. See you around 11?-E**

This time I only had to wait a few moments before I got her message.

**Can't wait.-B**

With that I put my plans into motion. When today is done, there won't be a doubt in Bella's mind that I'm in this for the long haul.

_You belong with me, baby._

**A/N: Aww... still being a sweetie... My question to you... do you think Edward is being realistic in his expectations?**


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: 4 of 6... this is the calm part... dont let it lull you into thinking it will be smooth sailing... if you've read me before.. you know I love to do this!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

43

BPOV

A picnic? He wants to go on a picnic?

I look at his hopeful face and the beautiful wicker picnic basic that he is holding.

"Seriously, Edward?" I laugh at his bright and excited face.

"Why not," he shrugs. "It's a beautiful day. We can have it in your room or maybe somewhere on the grounds? I even have a blanket."

He looks so eager and happy, there is no way I can tell him no. So I nod yes. "Let me get dressed and tell Kate where we will be. Come in and wait."

He steps into the foyer and waits as I rush to get my hoodie and another blanket for me to wrap myself in. I tell Kate we are walking out to the pond for a picnic. She hands me some meds in case I get sick.

When I walk back into the foyer, my breath catches at the sight of him. He really is too perfect and more than I'll ever deserve. I push way the depressing thoughts that threaten to ruin my day with Edward. I give him a huge smile as I tell him I'm ready to go.

We walk quietly, hand and hand to the pond that sits behind the house. It feels too good, too natural having him with me. I feel torn in two directions. How can I keep my distance when every cell in my body longs to pull him closer?

When we arrive at the pond, Edward spreads the blanket, gets me settled and then tucks my blanket around me. He sits down next to me and pulls me close.

"I missed the feel of you close," he breathes.

"Me too," I say as I snuggle closer.

"Tell me about the tour. I tried to follow it the best I could." I'm desperate to turn the conversation away from things that will only bind me further to him.

I watch as he searches my eyes, I want to tear my eyes from his penetrative gaze, but he hold me captive. A small pucker of the skin between his eyes mars his serene face before he begins to talk.

A small tremor of fear slithers down my spine. For a fraction of a second, I wonder if he can see I'm holding back.

**A/N: Hmmm... interesting Bella... Thoughts?**


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: 5 of 6...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

44

EPOV

As we sit and talk, I can't shake the feeling that Bella isn't all with me. Her touches are tentative, her looks are reserved, and even her eyes seem to be hiding something. Part of me wants to demand answers, to find out what is wrong. But I remind myself that she has had a lot to deal with in the months since I was gone. I'm convinced that with time, I can crumble any walls she may have built.

So I focus all my attention on just being there and attentive to her needs. With that decided, I start right then and there.

When there is a lull in our conversation and we are busy looking out at the pond, I pull her close and tell her what's in my heart.

"Every day that I was apart from you, I carried your note." I produce the note that to this day I still carry with me. The lines of my folding and refolding are evident. "I still carry it with me. Reading it became part of my pre-show ritual. I had to have it with me or I felt lost, naked even."

I can feel the furious pounding of her heart. She is barely breathing. I forge ahead.

"I thought about you every day. The first week was the hardest. It took all my energy and concentration to keep going, to put on foot in front of the other." I nuzzle her close and kiss the top of her scarf covered head. "I have never felt that way about someone, much less someone I had just met."

"But after talking to the rest of the band, I realized I needed to put my feelings away for a while. But you were always there. Your words and your face."

With that I show her the photos I took while she slept. The look of peace and serenity on her face is unmistakable. Her gasp of surprise takes me off guard and I move us so I hover over her. I see tears in her eyes and I become alarmed.

"Don't be sad, baby. I just wanted to tell you that I've never stopped wanting you. What you are going through now won't stop me. It won't stop us."

I hold her gaze, making sure she sees the truth in my words. When I see her slow acceptance, I gently kiss her lips, sealing my vow to her.

**A/N: I want Rockerward... soo sweet... Can Bella put her trust in him? Should she?**


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: 6 of 6... This is where I let you ponder...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

45

BPOV

My heart hears his words, my soul revels in them, but my brain wants to reject them. It can't be true; I don't deserve him or these wonderful declarations. But his kiss makes everything he says too real and too perfect. My eyes tell him that I believe and then I'm lost.

When he pulls away, the happiness that I see threatens to overwhelm me. The light shining in his eyes is blinding. For a moment I want to shield myself from it, worried that it will expose my fears. Instead I bask in the warmth. My body sings with the feather light touches of his skin on mine. I nuzzle closer, wishing that I could crawl inside him and feel safe again.

"Will you tell me what happened?" His words are whispered and muffled against the blanket that surrounds me, but I hear them loud and clear in my mind.

I know what he is asking. The question is whether I have it in me to tell him.

_Listen to Alice, let him in. He wants to help you, care for you._

I listen to my heart and nod. I sit up and he sits behind me, wrapping his arms around me. I relax into the safety that his arms provide and tell him my tale.

"Even before I met you I wasn't feeling well. That night was the first time in weeks I felt well enough to go out. It was always minor stuff, headache, slight fever, body aches. I thought it was a cold." My voice trails off as I get lost in the memories.

"About two weeks after you left, I got sick and never got better. The body aches were a daily thing. I noticed that I bruised easily and they healed slowly. I was always running a fever, I lost my appetite. I was always sleeping."

I shiver at the memories and Edward silently holds me tighter. He rocks us from side to side, wordlessly reminding me that he is there.

"Alice convinced me to go to Health Services. They took urine and blood. A few weeks later, the doctor asked me to come in again. They wanted to draw more blood to do more in depth blood work. A few days later they called and I had to go back. I honestly don't remember much after the doctor told me they suspected leukemia. They gave me a card with the appointment information for an oncologist."

I take a deep stuttering breath, willing the tears to stay away. I still get emotional when I talk about my illness, it's an automatic response. I know it's because part of me still has not accepted it, I'm in still in denial.

"Somehow I texted Alice and when she found me I was a mess, at least that is what she tells me. I don't remember her coming to get me or the ride home. I woke and it was the next day. I was surrounded by Angie, Alice and her mom. The rest is history."

"I got you, Bella. You're not alone. Let me in, let me help you." His words are murmured against my temple. I could hear his desperation.

My body shook with the war of emotions raging through me. I longed to tell him that he has me, every part of me and he always will. But my fears are bigger than me and I have yet no idea how to conquer them.

I grip his arms hard around me, "I'm trying, Edward. So help me I'm trying."

**A/N: HEHE.. if you go back to chapter 3.. you will see.. she mentions feeling sick... lol.. I gave you a clue even then... Thoughts? What you think is instore for our couple? See you later...**


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N: Awww... you are all crushing on Edward and Bella... 3 this round...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

46

EPOV

Over the next few days, I keep things light and carefree. We have had an emotional upheaval and we need time to regroup. We need time to remember what it is we feel for each other.

On a day when she is feeling exceptionally well, I take her to my house. I introduce her to Maggie who tries to put weight on her by feeding her. Bella accepts her with grace and ease and my heart is lost even more to her.

She asks me to play on my piano and when I ask her what she wants to hear, her reply makes my heart swell.

"The song, you know the one." I see the war in her. She wants to call it her song, but she's unsure.

"It's your song, you know." I play the opening notes and I watch as her body relaxes and her eyes close. As I start to sing, she mouths the words with me. The sight of her singing my song does something deep inside me. I want to cry and scream at the same time and it fucking scares me.

When the last note is sounded, she turns her tear filled eyes to me. "Thank you."

We kiss sweetly and softly. My body aches to feel her curves next to mine. To find those places that I know will make her sing with desire. Instead, I focus on pouring every ounce of my feelings for her into our kiss.

Later in the week, we take a drive along the shore of Lake Michigan. She tells me stories of her parents and growing up in a small town. I tell her about growing up with Emmett. She laughs at all the stupid shit we used to do. A part of me wants to tell her about Lizzie, but I can't. I worry about freaking her out with the idea that Lizzie died. But more than that, it's hard to share her. She is my Lizzie. I guard the memories of her so staunchly that it is hard to let it go.

It is while we are walking on the beach, hand and hand, toward the car when I feel the shift between us. Out of the corner of my eye I watch as she takes several deep breaths, her teeth worrying her lower lip as she turns to me.

"I have a chemo appointment in a few days. Can you take me?" I hear the fear of rejection of pain in her voice.

I give her hand a gentle squeeze, "Sure, not a problem. Just tell me when and where."

The relief I see in her eyes and in her body posture speaks volumes. Somewhere deep inside, she is still hesitant, apprehensive about us. I can only hope that with time she will see that I am here for her. I'm not going to leave her.

**A/N: They are both trying... really hard... 2 more...**


	47. Chapter 47

**A/N: 2 of 3... are you checking out the other stories..they are fabulous!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

47

BPOV

Somewhere deep inside me the damn broke. I'm unable to hold back how I felt about him or how much I needed him. I'm tired of trying to be reserved. So I said what the hell.

When he tells me that he has no problem taking me to chemo, I go with it. I don't second guess and I don't give into the crippling fear that he will leave. He has told me he is staying, so I believe him. I place my trust and my heart in his arms and pray he will protect them both.

We spend the days before my appointment watching movies and talking. He even takes me to the studio to watch him and the band work. I'm in awe when he explains the arrangement he made with his band to spend more time with me.

I fear they would be resentful, but that is farthest from the truth. Emmett treats me like a kid sister; Jasper is like a long lost dear friend. His presence is calming and effortless. I can see why Alice is so smitten with him. But is it Rose who surprises me. While on the outside she looks intimidating and daunting, she is sweet and so down to earth.

With her I feel as if I found the older sister I wished I had when my parents died. She loves to shop and finds the most amazing scarves to cover my head. She even goes as far as to help me find cool new ways to wrap them.

With Edward and his band, I find the start of a family. The safety that I innately felt with Edward grew to encompass the three people who meant the world to him. I saw the happiness and joy that he radiates when I spent time with them.

I find myself relaxing and even starting to think of the future. I try in vain not to get too far ahead of myself. But every once in awhile, I dream of Edward and I on the road as he tours or family dinners with my friends and his. The more I allow myself to indulge in these dreams, the more I want them to come true.

On the Sunday before my appointment, Edward and I are driving back to his place. Since my appointment is early in the morning, Edward suggests that I stay with him. He is in the middle of discussing a song he is trying to write when I interrupt him.

"I love this song," I exclaim as I turn it up loud.

I close my eyes and let the familiar haunting melody soothe me even further. My lips soundlessly sing the words that have become my theme song since my diagnosis. I can feel Edward's gaze, but I'm too lost in the music to answer the unspoken question between us.

As the radio goes to commercial, Edward turns the volume down and I feel him looking at me.

"It's the song Alice played to remind me that I didn't have to tackle this on my own. In the beginning I was stubborn, trying to do it all myself. This was her way of telling me it didn't have to be that way."

**A/N: DON'T ASK ABOUT THE SONG... YOU WILL FIND IT OUT... hehe... ok... one more.. ok?**


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N: Last one for a bit... **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

48

EPOV

To say that each day I fell more in love with Bella is a gross understatement. I'm completely enamored of her. Each day that passes I'm bound tighter to her. The connection we felt on her birthday has morphed into something stronger than concrete. I'm hers as she is mine.

It's just that simple.

However, those ties didn't stop the nightmare I had the night before I took her to chemo. I was in a hospital room, it looked eerily familiar until I looked to the bed and saw the small frail frame of my baby sister. The gauntness of her face coupled with her shallow breathing telling me she was fading.

I reached out to touch her but before my eyes Lizzie is replaced with Bella. My heart stops and I can feel the panic begin to spread throughout my body.

"No, no, no," I chant all watching Bella struggle to breathe. Seconds later the heart monitor screeches with a flat line and I scream.

I wake with a jolt. Sweat is covering my body and my heart is pounding. I look beside me to see Bella sleeping and looking peaceful.

Irrational fear grips me that I'm going to lose her as well. I try to shake the feelings lose, to make them go away, but all I can manage to do is stuff them down.

When I feel in control, I snuggle back under the covers and pull Bella close. I draw in huge gulps of her scent, reminding myself that she is here and alive.

The day of chemo we are both quiet. I replay the words that Kate told me when I had spoken to her about what to expect with Bella and I how I can best help her. She went on to explain all of the routines that Bella has set into place to help her cope.

On the drive home she is even quieter and I know it's because she is feeling nauseous. Kate warned me that the first few treatments after a break hit her hard. When I bring her into her room, she immediately runs to the bathroom to throw up.

I run a cool cloth over her neck and cheek. When she is done, I help her rinse her mouth and tuck her into bed. Kate brings her meds and takes her vitals before leaving me in her care. Over the next several hours, I hold her as she gets sick.

The nagging fear from the dream tries to creep forward, but I push it back, focusing everything on Bella.

She w_ill_ make it through this. I repeat this over and over until I have no choice but to believe.

**A/N: dun dun dun... the storm is brewing... kits at the ready? Hang on.. Thoughts?**


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N: Ready for the storm? Tissues, blankies, trash cans.. we all set? Hold on!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

49

BPOV

There is a part of me that wants to recoil from Edward as I hurl into the barf bucket. But the bigger part of me that is pissed at this disease, says let him see what I really go through. There is no way to sugar coat my life. It is what it is; he can take it or leave it.

Yet with all that, there is an indescribable pleasure I get each time I open my eyes and I see him there. His very presence sets my mind at ease and I can just focus on getting through the day. The steady way he cares for me endears him to me all that more.

When I wake up the next day and he's not there, I throw a frantic look at Kate.

"I made him go home to rest. He told me to tell you he will see you today." I nod.

An hour later as I am nibbling on some toast and watching movies when Edward comes back. The smile he gives me warms me all over. He sits on my bed and cups my face.

"How are you feeling today? Were you able to rest?" I can see the concern on his face and I truly start to realize how much he does care for me.

"A little. We are seeing if I can keep down some toast and juice." When I'm hit with a sudden wave of nausea, I hear his soothing voice helping me to breathe through it.

His soft calming touches on my back grounds me and I use it as my focus as I struggle not to throw up. When it passes, he pulls me closer to him.

"Good girl. Take it nice and easy."

His steady presence over the next two chemo appointments goes a long way to waylay any fears and concerns I may have letting Edward help me. He is attentive, caring, gentle and loving. Never once did he flinch as I vomited, instead he cleaned up after me.

Even Kate, who took awhile to warm up to him, started singing his praises. Between the two of them, I'm never left alone and my every need is seen too. I felt myself growing closer and closer to him. So much so, that I wanted to ask him to come to my doctor appointment in three weeks.

Yet, each time I try to ask him, I clam up and the fear of what I may hear overwhelms me. No matter how much I think I love him, I just couldn't bear it if he heard bad news. No, I would go by myself and if it was good news, I would shout it to the roof tops. But if it is bad, well, I may have to find some way to let him go.

**A/N: Do you agree with Bella? Thoughts, love to hear them!**


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N: Hows Edward dealing?/**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

50

EPOV

I am fine.

I am fine.

She's fine.

She's fine.

I keep repeating the words as I wait for my heart to calm down from the paralyzing dream I keep having. They always start out different. Sometimes in the hospital, a few times in my house or in Bella's room, it's the ending that always gets me.

Each time she flat lines, each time I watch her die.

The absolute terror I feel upon waking leaves me shaking, dripping in sweat and frantic.

I feel as if I'm going out of my mind. I don't understand why I am having these nightmares. Okay, so yes part of me fears that she won't get better. But, I rationalize, if things were that bad, she would tell me, or someone would, right?

I know I should talk to her about the dreams or at the very least ask her about her prognosis. Yet, each time I try, there just doesn't seem to be a good time.

So when I'm with her, I force the dreams away. I focus on her, the here and now. It is the only thing that gets me through the days without falling victim to the crippling fear the grips my heart.

It is one of her off chemo days and we are sitting in the sunroom playing cards. I smile at how bundled up she is even though she is sitting in a sunny spot.

"You're cheating, Edward!" she shouts at me.

I look from her to my cards, "Hey, I can't help it if I'm good at Go Fish."

She rolls her eyes, "You are so cheating. If you keep it up, I'm gonna tell Emmett."

Now it is my turn to roll my eyes. Ever since she met my brother, she continuously threatens to tattle on me. It's actually kinda cute.

"Ohhh, scary," I pretend to quake and quiver.

She gives me a have giggle half snort and I hear the unmistakable sound of buttons being pressed. In a flash her phone is to her ear.

"Why you little sneak." I grab the phone from her and when I hold it up to tell Emmett off, I hear a recording for the local movie theater.

I narrow my eyes at her, "Ha, ha, funny, Bella."

She continues to giggle.

At time like these it's easy to forget the dream and pretend everything is going to be just fine.

**A/N: What do you make of Edward's dreams?**


	51. Chapter 51

**A/N: Remember... it will be ok...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

51

BPOV

We made it through the first 10 days of me being back on chemo. True to his word, Edward is there every step of the way. I know that I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. It also makes it harder not to give him my whole heart.

Alice chides me that I'm being to cautious, that I am over thinking it all. I just can't help it. I have this nagging fear that everything is going to fall apart. But despite all my fears and concerns, I know one thing is for certain, I'm in love with Edward.

On the ride to the hospital this morning, I notice how on edge Edward seems. He is quiet and almost withdrawn.

I touch his arm that rest on the console between us, "You okay, Edward? You're awfully quiet." I let my fingers trail lightly up and down his arm, loving the feeling of heat that courses between us.

He captures my fingers and raises them to his lips while watching the road, "I'm fine, didn't sleep well, so I'm kinda tired." He turns to me and gives me his silly lopsided grin and I can't help but smile back.

I squeeze his hand and twine his fingers with mine. His touch soothes and calms me like nothing else I have ever felt. The rest of the way we drive in comfortable silence while holding hands. Gone is the tension I felt from him. My easy going Edward is back.

As I go on back to the treatment room, he gives me a kiss on the cheek and forehead and settles in for the hour wait in the waiting room. The treatment went by without a hitch; I didn't even have any nausea. So it is easy to greet Edward with a smile.

But on the way home, things start to feel weird. Edward, sensing that something is wrong, pulls over to check on me.

"You okay, Bella. What do you need?"

"Just really dizzy and nauseous. Just get me home." He nods and carefully pulls back into traffic, speeding towards home. I close my eyes to fight the overwhelming dizziness.

Soon enough, I feel Edward touch my face softly, "We're home, sweetheart. Stay here and I'll help you out."

I nod weakly and wait. He speeds to my side of the car and gently helps me out and up the few steps to the front door. Just then I feel my heart begin to pound furiously and black spots creep to the outside edges of my vision.

I see Edward's mouth moving, but I hear no words, just muffled sounds. I try to reach out to him, but I can't feel my arms. I feel myself start to slide sideways before everything goes black.

**A/N: WTF? Will give ya the next one.. although.. you may not like it!**


	52. Chapter 52

**A/N: Ok.. reposting 52 as it was the same as 51... ready for Edward? I don't think you are... *runs and hides***

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

52

EPOV

Right before my eyes I watch as Bella's eyes flutter close and she begin to fall. I rush to catch her and scoop her in my arms. But, before I can carry her to her room, her entire body begins to convulse.

Fear paralyzes me as I watch her body flop in my arms.

"Bella!" I scream.

I fall to the floor with her and cradle her in my arms, mindful of her flailing limbs.

"Kate, come quick it's Bella!" I scream at the top of my lungs. Tears I didn't realize were in my eyes start to fall.

_Oh, God, please, no!_

"Shit!" I hear Kate exclaim.

She rushes into Bella's room and comes back out with a mini cart full of medical equipment.

"Lay her on the floor," she orders as she readies an oxygen mask.

I lay Bella down and thru blurry eyes I watch as Kate works on her. I can't take my eyes off her. My heart lodges in my heart and I can't stop my mind from going down to the blackest part of my heart.

All of the commotion brings more people to the room and Kate orders them around. From the way they move, this must have happened before. But I can't find any comfort in that. All I see is the past coming to repeat itself into the present. My nightmares are literally turning real right before my very eyes.

I scurry away from the scene as my mind tries to make sense of it all.

Somewhere I hear me sobbing and I can't stop.

"No, please… please…don't go Lizzie. Lizzie…Lizzie, please…no…"

No longer am I seeing Bella, but a darkened hospital room where I watched as my baby sister takes her last breaths. I can hear the screech of the heart monitor as it registers her lack of heartbeat.

"Oh no, no..no.. Lizzie.. come back to me… Lizzie.. don't go…"

I feel soft hands on my face and a voice penetrates the darkness.

"Edward, Edward…snap out of it!" They shake my arm and I try to focus on their shimmering form. "This isn't Lizzie, this is Bella."

The sound of her name brings me back and I look over to see Kate as she furiously works over a very pale and very still Bella.

_No, no… no.. this can't be happening again. Please, God…no.._

Fear floods my body and I give myself over to it. I push away whoever has their hands on me and I turn away and bolt out the door.

**A/N: *ducks from the nerf balls* **


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N: WOW! You all are far more forgiving than my pre-readers were.. they were none too happy with Edward... well there were a few of you that felt he should stay away and get his shit in order... hmm ya never know.. that may be what happens. Ready for 7? I hope so.. here we go!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

53

BPOV

Awareness comes in stages. I register the softness of the bed I'm in, then overall aches and pains of my body. I feel as if I have gone ten rounds with a prize fighter. Next I realize I have a faint headache and my mouth taste like cotton. Then I feel the gentle breeze of the oxygen mask I have on my face.

Slowly I blink open my eyes and squint against the harshness of the lights overheard.

"Bella, can you hear me?" I hear the familiar melodic voice of Kate next to me.

I gently move my head which feels like it has a box of rocks in it, to look into her concerned eyes.

I give her a small, weak smile, "Hey," I croak out.

With that small greeting, she is flurry of activity. She takes my blood pressure, checks my pupils; she records my temp and my pulse rate. She consults the machine monitoring my oxygen saturation and takes off the mask when she is satisfied that I don't need the extra breathing help.

She helps me get into a comfortable position and gives me some water to drink.

"How are you feeling?" she finally asks.

"Tired, sore and a bit confused."

For a second I think I see relief in her eyes, but when I try to look closely, the emotion is gone. I give myself an internal shake and focus on what is going on.

"What happened?"

Again, I swear I see some unnamed emotion flit into Kate's eyes, but it is gone before I can get a handle on it.

As she's about to answer me, a knock sounds at my door and in come Angie and Alice.

"You're awake," cries Ang as she comes to sit on my bed. She gives me a gentle hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Nice to see you again, Bells." Alice gives me one of her bright smiles, but it seems odd and forced.

Something isn't right, I can feel it.

I listen with one ear as Angie fills me in on her and Ben. It appears that things are going well with them. I tell her I'm happy for her. I wait to see if Alice will start talking about Jasper, but she doesn't.

Again, odd.

"Will you tell me what happened? Things are a bit fuzzy." I look at all three of them, so I don't miss the looks that fly between them.

I want to scream at them to tell me what the fuck is going on, but I don't have the energy.

"You had one of your bad reactions to chemo yesterday." Kate finally answers.

That would explain the aches and pains all over. The seizures cause me to tighten all my muscles leaving them feeling sore and over worked.

But that still doesn't explain the edginess of the three girls in front of me. I close my eyes trying to remember, but memories are always fuzzy after one of these reactions. I replay the day, step by step.

Then it hit me.

Edward.

I was with Edward.

My eyes fly open and I know the answer before I even ask, deep in my heart I know.

"Edward, he was there, right?" My words are whispers, but with the dead silence in my room, I have no doubt they can hear me.

I am staring at my blanket, but out of the corner of my eye I see Alice nodding.

"Where is he?" I cold hear the crack in my voice.

Silence is my answer.

I look up at Alice, ".HE?"

"He ran, Bella. While you were seizing, he left."

Tears fall from her eyes. I give her a nod, lay down and roll onto my side.

**A/N: Poor Bella...**


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N: Shall we see how Edward is faring? 2of 7**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

54

EPOV

I can see the streams of light through the small cracks in the blinds, but I ignore it. Instead I pick up the whiskey bottle that helped to keep me awake last night. I knew that if I went to bed I would see things I didn't want to see.

Lizzie dying.

Bella convulsing.

My cowardice.

I ran from Bella. But even worse than that, I ran while she was having a seizure.

Disgust, shame and guilt fills me up and I want to purge myself of them, but there is no way. They are sitting inside, festering, and ripping my heart and my spirit to shreds. I take another swig from the bottle in attempt to numb the pain.

I pull at my hair, at a loss over what I feel and what to do about it all. My heart is screaming for me to run to Bella, to beg her forgiveness. I would do and say anything to prove how sorry I am.

But the bigger part of me, which is gripped by overwhelming fear, is holding back. I just cannot go through losing someone like that. I don't have it in me to watch Bella suffer a prolonged illness and waste away before me.

I know that makes me weak and pathetic. I'm just not strong enough to be that man. I thought I could be.

Maybe this is why she never told me her prognosis. Maybe she knew all along that her illness was advanced. Maybe this is why she held herself in check. She didn't want to get to close to me, just to have to lose me.

My head spins with the questions without answers and the copious amounts of alcohol I have consumed. My body aches from sitting on the cold floor where I collapsed when I made it home. My heart throbs with every beat that I'm away from Bella.

I just want it to stop. I just want the pain to go away. I don't want to think, I don't want to feel, I don't want to remember how I utterly failed Bella in the worse possible way.

So in order to forget, I keep drinking. When that bottle is done, I start another and I don't stop, not even when I find myself slipping away.

**A/N: Hmm what do you think of Edward?**


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N: 3 of 7.. hanging in there?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

55

BPOV

Thoughts, feeling, and memories churn away at my brain. The more I think the more they turn into acid, eating away at me one piece at a time.

I ask myself 'why' so much that I begin to wonder if it's really a real word.

Why did he run?

Why did this shit have to happen to me?

Why is the love I had for him not enough?

I snort at that question. It keeps coming back to me and I hate it.

I realize that I loved him too late. I'm sure my heart knew. In fact, I'm sure I fell in love with him the second I laid eyes on him months ago. But my own awareness of it came the day after I learned that he ran from me.

It took me screaming at Kate and Alice before they told me what happened. How he froze as I lay on the floor seizing. Alice told me how he was looking right at me, but his eyes said he was far away from what was going on. She repeated how he kept screaming for a Lizzie.

This of course started another round of questions. Alice never heard of a Lizzie from Jasper and when she asked him, his only response was that it wasn't his story to tell. That night she got into her first fight with him. She was defending me and Jasper was standing staunchly in Edward's corner. I begged her to let it go. I didn't want my issues to come between them.

At least one of us deserves our fairy tale ending.

The days after I found out the truth, I just hunkered down in my room.

My body still ached, but I was suspecting it was less my body and more my heart. I felt like I was suffocating. But it is the night I grew to hate. The nightmares are relentless. They are all variations of him leaving me, me dying in his arms or us being separated and unable to get back together.

I wake drenched in sweat and my heart racing.

I know Kate is worried. I'm not eating and it is taking me longer to deal with the effects of chemo.

Parts of me wonder, what is the point of all this?

My worst fear had been confirmed. Edward saw me as damaged, as someone he couldn't be with.

I got what I knew I would get, right?

So then why did it feel as part of me had been ripped from my body?

**A/N: Looks like neither are doing very well...**


	56. Chapter 56

**A/N: 4 of 7.. I don't think Edward is doing really well...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

56

EPOV

Time no longer held meaning to me. Everything blurred together. When I was aware of time passing, I longed for those blissful times when I would black out.

I tried to stop, but with sobriety came feeling and I just couldn't handle it. In one of my sober moments, I ran across one of Bella's scarves. A faint trace of her scent lingered and I raged. I ripped apart my room and then took solace in my den. There I stayed; there I sunk deep into myself and the bottles that littered the room around me.

Each second that passed I was fighting with myself.

Did I go back to Bella and grovel for her forgiveness?

Did I stay away so I didn't have to bury another person I cared for?

Over and over those choices ran through my head, mocking me.

Tears flowed when I was conscious enough to feel pain and I cursed myself for being so weak.

At one point I'm aware enough to know that someone is in the house, but I cann't drag up the energy to give a fuck.

I hear a gasp from the doorway and when I look up through my blurry eyes, I see Maggie looking at me in shock.

"Edward!" I hear the sadness and the pity and it's too much for me to bear.

"Get out, now!" I roar at her.

I can't take it, I don't deserve her pity.

"Edward, what's wrong?" She takes a step towards me and I react.

My hands wrap around one of the empty bottles and I throw it against the wall behind her. She flinches and cowers.

"Get the fuck out," I hiss at her.

She turns and runs.

Blindly I reach for the half full bottle of vodka and down the entire thing. Moments later I feel the blackness seeping around me and I gracefully allow it to claim me.

I don't know how much time had passed when I feel a sting to my face.

Muffled, I hear something. More stings come to face and I slowly blink my eyes open.

"Emmett?"

**A/N: Ohh snap.. big brother coming... whats he gonna do?**


	57. Chapter 57

**A/N: 5 of 7..**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

57

BPOV

"We've had enough, Bella. You are going to talk to us," came Alice's demand as she walks uninvited into my room.

"Alice!" admonishes Angela. She throws me a sympathetic look that is laced with pity.

I want to scream at them both, instead I just glare at them.

"There is nothing to talk about, Alice," I seethe.

She gives a little delicate snort and rolls her eyes, "I say different. Now tell us what the fuck is going on?"

I look at her as if she has three heads. How can she ask me that? She knows what's going on. But the anger I have been holding back comes rushing forward.

"FUCK YOU, Alice! You want to know what's going on. I'll tell you." I take a breath and barrel on forward. "He left me, Alice. You were there, you saw him. He left me!" I point to my chest for emphasis. "He finally came to his senses and realized that I am damaged goods, that I'm half of a woman. He saw for himself that I'm weak and pathetic. He now knows that I'm not good enough for him. He finally decided that he's not going to waste his time on me."

By now tears are streaming down my face and I can't stop them if I wanted to.

"I love him, Alice. I gave him my heart because that is all I have left to give him and it isn't enough."

I look up into the shocked faces of my best friends.

"He left me," I sob out before they swoop in and hold me close.

"Do you really love him," asks Angela timidly.

I nod, "Probably since the moment I saw him," I sniffle out.

"When we are together," I shake my head, "the pull towards him is intense, and there is no way for me to resist him. But when we touch," I close my eyes against the memory of his touch, "It's like coming home."

I shake my head.

"He is right, guys. I'm damaged, he deserves better than me. I mean, there is no guarantee that I'll beat this. I should have let him go when he came back," I whisper.

But I didn't because I'm helpless against him.

"You didn't tell him about your check-up, did you?" Asks Alice.

I shake my head.

What is the point in telling him I have one? It would have gotten his hopes up. Then, when the blood work came back saying I was still sick and I need more chemo, he'd be stuck with me. No, that isn't what I wanted for him.

"Alice, for the last fucking time, back off. He made his choice and I'm going to respect that. You don't have to agree with it. It's my life. I'll do whatever I want with the time I have left."

With that I pull myself from the tangle of limbs we had become and I roll away from them.

This conversation is closed.

**A/N: Even Bella doesn't blame him... whats your thoughts?**


	58. Chapter 58

**A/N: 56of 7.. Let's see what Emmett's gonna do... hehe**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

58

EPOV

Through the haze I feel myself being moved. I wonder if I should worry. Moments later I feel water pelting down. I open one bleary eye and see Emmett staring down on me; the fury is evident in the hard set of his jaw.

"Take a fucking shower and get dressed. I'll meet you down stairs." He gives no room for protests before he closes the shower curtain and walks away.

About twenty minutes later I'm done, dressed and stumbling down the stairs. The smell of coffee and food hit my rolling stomach like a sledgehammer. I'm not sure if it's because I'm hungry or nauseous.

I make my way slowly to the kitchen where I see Emmett sitting at the table. His eyes flick behind me and I turn around.

"Mom?" I gasp.

"Sit down. Coffee?" her voice is quiet, but I hear the unspoken authority in her words.

I nod mutely and she slides me a cup of black coffee. She also slides a few slices of buttered toast. "Eat." Another soft command.

I chew slowly on the toast, quietly, not meeting the eyes of my family.

"Want to tell me what the fuck is going on?" Emmett finally roars after a long, strained silence.

I raise my eyes at him, pausing to see if Mom will admonish his colorful language. When none comes, I realize that I can't avoid answering his question. I chance a glance at mom and she has an expectant look on her face.

I scrub my face and take a deep breath. Then I purge everything. I tell her about when I first met Bella, the attraction, the connection between us. I explain how much I missed her when I was gone on tour and how much I looked forward to being back with her.

I close my eyes as I talk about running into her at the hospital, learning about her illness and all that she has been through. I tell them how I wanted to help her through this all, to be there when she goes through everything. Then I talk about the dreams, the horrifying fear and panic that they induced in me.

I hear Mom gasp as I tell her that my dreams involved watching Lizzie die all over again and that they morph into watching Bella die. I shudder at the memory of those dreams.

When I get to what happen the last time, I'm whispering, the pain of my mistake is too great. I hang my head in shame as I tell them how I got lost in my mind, seeing Lizzie there instead of Bella. Then when I focused on what was really happening, how I ran away as Bella seized. A few tears escape as I relive that day.

I look up ready to see pity in the face of my family; instead I see sadness, a touch of anger and sympathy. I wipe away the tears that keep falling.

"I got this, Emmett. Thanks for your help." She gives him a soft smile. Em throws me a glare that tells me that he is less than pleased with my actions.

When he is gone, my mom turns to me, "You love her don't you?"

I nod mutely, "I think from the moment I laid eyes are her. I just don't think I am strong enough to be there during this point in her life." I shake my head at how pathetic I sound.

When I'm greeted by silence, I look up at Mom. She stares into my eyes, searching for something but I don't know what. A few intense moments pass and then she gives me a soft smile.

"Let's clean up your mess and talk." She leaves the kitchen and I'm left trailing after her.

**A/N: Hehe... like a good brother..he went and got Momma! Like?**


	59. Chapter 59

**A/N: 7 of 7... Maybe a little light... would ya like that?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

59

BPOV

The next day I need to get away from Alice. I can see that she is less than happy with how our talk went. Since I'm feeling better, I decide to go for a walk. I am careful to avoid going to the pond. There are too many emotions tied to that place.

I head instead to a small wooded area, it's cool and refreshing. My mind spins over all that has happened, my talk with Alice, my anger and the what-ifs.

It is the what-ifs that plague me constantly.

What if I beat this and survive?

What if Edward could accept me, limitations and all?

What if things could work out for us?

I'm so absorbed into my deep thoughts that I fail to hear the steps of someone behind me.

"Care if I sit down, Bella?"

I jump and look behind me. "Jasper? Fuck, you scared me!"

I put my hands to my chest to calm my racing heart. It feels like it's going to jump right out of my chest.

I watch as he quietly sits down and gets comfortable.

"Yea, you can sit. What are you doing here?"

He is silent for a moment before he replies, "I want to tell you a story."

My first reaction is to laugh, but the serious look on his face along with the somber tone of his voice tells me this is no joke. I nod that he can go ahead and he does.

He lays out before me the heart wrenching tale of Edward and Emmett's little sister Lizzie. The sister that Edward was attached to like nothing else. The one that had leukemia and died when she was seven. When Jasper tells me how Edward was in the room with her as she passed away, I can't contain my gasp.

My heart is breaking and I can't stop the torrent of tears that fall. He details how Edward coped, or his lack of coping after Lizzie died. The turmoil that the entire family went through. He explains that they don't usually talk about her outside the small family network, how they guard her memory fiercely.

Suddenly, things start to make sense. It's clear as to why he was screaming 'Lizzie' that day. I can feel things fall into place.

"It doesn't excuse what he did that day. But maybe it gives you some understanding." He lets silence lapse between us.

"Does he know you're telling me this? Does he know that you are even here?"

A small smile graces his face, "No, he doesn't know. I suspect that he wouldn't be too pleased."

"Then why?" I ask.

"Because I know he cares for you, hell, he may even love you. I hate to see you guys not get a fighting chance to make things work."

I blush at his words, a small flicker of hope flares, but I quickly beat it back.

I look up with tears in my eyes for a different reason.

He leans over to give me a hug, "You're going to beat this I know it." He places a soft kiss on my head and gracefully stands up. I watch as he walks away and this time I allow the hope to flare.

**A/N: Well..look at that.. Jasper... would love to hear your thoughts! In a few hours.. the rest of the story will go up... are you ready!**


	60. Chapter 60

**A/N: LOL... you are all a bag of mixed thoughts... so.. why don't I get the show on the road.. let's finish it up! Let's see what Esme can do to kick Edward's ass...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

60

EPOV

It has been over a week since I spoke to my mom. I moved out of my place temporarily and in with Emmett and Rose. My mom was worried that once she left I would head straight back to the bottle. Funny thing, she would have been right.

Now that I am sober, I feel everything and it sucks. My head is a chaotic mess of guilt, loathing, shame, fear, love and hope. I never know if I'm coming or going. I think about Bella all the fucking time and I hurt. My heart, my head, my body are crying out for her. I want to see her, but I still need to figure out shit in my head.

So I pour myself into work. I'm constantly composing, writing, laying down tracks. It is the only way I can think and make any sense of the craziness that is my life. This morning I'm in Em's gym, running on the treadmill and for the millionth time, my Mom's words from our talk echo in my head.

_I followed her from the kitchen, back into the den they found me in. It stank of alcohol, vomit and plain old staleness. Silently, Mom begins to clean up. Feeling a bit ashamed for what she walked in on, I start to pickup as well._

_"Did you know that I got pregnant after Lizzie died?" Her voice was so nonchalant that is took me a moment to really understand what she was talking about._

_"N-no," I stuttered out._

_She nods. "I did, about a year later. I was so scared. The only person I told was your dad. I couldn't stop worry about the what-if's you know. What if this baby got sick? What if it also died a long death? What if I couldn't parent it?"_

_She pauses and looks at me as if she knew that is all I had been doing when it came to Bella. I gave her a shaky nod to confirm that she was correct._

_"One day I confessed it all to Emily. Broke down in hysterical sobs." I knew that Emily was the grief counselor she saw to help her deal with losing Lizzie. "She listened as I poured my heart to her. Every fear, every dark thought I had, I laid at her feet. When I finally stopped crying and talking she looked me right in the eye and asked me one question."_

_She paused once more to look at me. "Do you know what she asked?"_

_"No," I mumbled._

_"She asked me, 'Would you love this child any less if you were told right now what could happen to that child?' I didn't have an answer, because I was too wrapped up in my fears and worries to even think about how I felt about the child itself."_

_She gave me a meaningful glance. "When I told her I didn't know how I felt, she told me that I needed to set my fears aside and concentrate on how I felt about being a mother again. Not the what-ifs, the concerns or the worries, just how I felt to be pregnant again."_

_She smiled softly, "When I did just think about that, I was happy. When I told Emily that the next time I saw her she told me to focus on that. To just love being pregnant, to enjoy that moment in time. Later, if there was a need to worry, I would handle it then. Unfortunately I lost the baby three weeks later."_

_"I am so sorry, Mom, I never knew." I hugged her close, needed to give comfort as much I wanted to be comforted myself._

_"It's ok. I was happy those three weeks. It was hard to lose another child, but I was able to deal with it because I had happy memories to carry with me." She placed the last few bottles and dirt in the bag I was holding._

_She looked me square in the eye, "You need to think about how you feel about Bella, not Bella and her illness or even her illness alone. JUST BELLA. Because even if you only have six months or years left, It's what you do with that time that is important. You are going to lose people in your life, Edward. That's just a fact of life, nothing will change that. You can't hide from loss in any of its forms."_

_I hung my head in shame. I knew what she was saying was the truth, but I just had so much fear, it was hard to let go._

_"If you really love her, Edward, you don't… you can't let that go. Love like that is rare and should be cherished."_

To this day, I know what she said is the truth. Even more so, I have since realized that I do love Bella. I just need to figure out how to be the man she needs me to be.

**A/N: What did ya think of Esme... did she give Edward what he needed?**


	61. Chapter 61

**A/N: Time for Bella.. is she doing better?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

61

BPOV

More than a week has gone by, and I'm settling back into my old routine. But I'm still left with far too much free time on my hands. It gives me time to think, to ponder, to question and to replay my conversation with Jasper.

Alice was all over me for information, but I guarded Edward's story as if it was mine. I didn't feel right talking about it, especially when he didn't know that I knew. It felt wrong. So I kept it to myself.

My heart aches for the teen boy who had to learn about death and loss long before he should have had to deal with it. I wanted to go to him and let him know I understood and that I'm not mad at him. But my own fears hold me back.

I know that it shouldn't matter that I may be infertile or slowly dying from this disease. But the woman in me, the person I am deep down inside, refuses to be a burden to anyone. I want to come to Edward a whole person or at least as whole as I can be. I didn't want chemo to dictate our relationship.

I know I'm being childish, but it is all I have left. I'm just so fucking scared. So as the days drew closer to the date of my check-up, I was moody, angry, sad and fearful.

I lashed out at everyone around me, trying to push them away, acting out my frustrations and fears on those closest to me. I knew I was doing it, I hated that I was, but I couldn't stop. The nights found me in nightmares that had me running after Edward but always coming up short.

The day of my appointment dawns and I'm trembling in fear and agitation. Alice is skipping school to go with me for support. I don't deserve her. She has been a saint, dealing with me and my erratic mood swings.

I try in vain to keep calm, to remember to breathe and not focus on how important this day could be for me.

By the time we arrive, park the car and check-in with the nurse I'm a mess of nerves. My palms are sweaty and my heart is thumping furiously. Alice places a gentle hand on my wildly bouncing knee.

"Calm down, Bella. It's going to be just fine." She gives me such a huge smile that for a split second, I truly believe that everything is going to be ok.

That lasts about thirty seconds as just then, the nurse calls me in.

"Ms. Swan, the doctor will see you."

I clutch onto Alice as we follow the nurse into an exam room where I sit and wait, trying not to vomit.

**A/N: What news will she hear.. good or bad?**


	62. Chapter 62

**A/N: Hmm I think you will all love this one... its a long time coming...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

62

EPOV

Another week and I still feel like a failure. I have stopped myself from driving over to Bella's a thousand times. Each time I reminded myself that I'm no closer to being the man she deserves. I want to go to the studio, but Peter told us all to take a few days off, me included. He even went so far as to ban me from the studio until Tuesday.

So, here I am, driving around Chicago aimlessly, letting things float around in my brain, trying to find a way to get back to Bella. I know that I want to be with her, but I am still plagued by dreams of her dying at night. Each morning I wake up, covered in sweat and my heart beating wildly. I still feel the twinges of the flight response, so I know I'm not ready.

When I finally focus on where I am, I realize I am slightly lost. I pull over and get out of my car to look around. I walk down the block to figure out what street I'm on, when it dawns on me what I'm close to. I run back to my car and take off, knowing just where I need to be.

In a matter of minutes, I'm sitting in a shady patch of grass, staring at Lizzie's grave. Tears come without warning as I finally let lose the grief and anguish I had been holding in. I confess everything to her, starting from when she died. I let lose every bit of the anger, sadness, doubt, loneliness and grief I have stored in my heart for the past ten years.

I tell her about Bella and how much I love her. I pour out my shame and loathing. With each tear that falls to the ground, with each word and sentence that pours out of me, I start to feel better, freer.

I let her know that miss her so much and wonder often what she would look like. I ask her for help, to give me some sign that I can be the man that Bella deserves.

"She would want you to be happy," comes a voice from behind me.

I startle and look back to see Jasper standing a few feet away. I must have a look of confusion on my face because he chuckles at me.

"You must have butt dialed me. I heard you talking, figured out where you were."

I nod and turn back to face Lizzie. I hear Jasper walk closer and eventually sit down.

"If she could talk to you, I'm sure she would give you shit for what you did. But even more than that, she would push you to go back to Bella." I hear him give a soft snort. "Those two would have loved each other."

I knew that he meant Bella and Lizzie and he is right. I give him a small smile.

"Bella is an amazing person, Edward. You would be a fool to let her get away, you know that right?"

"Yea, I know that. I just don't think there is any way that she could forgive me for what I did." I shake my head sadly.

"See, that is where the amazing part comes in. I have a feeling she would forgive you."

I shake my head, unwilling to believe it as I don't deserve her forgiveness. Jasper places a hand on my knee.

"I know she has." The tone in his voice makes me stop and I look over at him.

"How?" I ask.

"Because she told me. I told her about Lizzie." His voice is a whisper and I want to be mad at him, but I just don't have it in me. "You should have told her from the start, when you were having those dreams."

Once again he is right. "If she has forgiven me, why hasn't she called me?" Once the words leave my mouth, I feel shitty for saying them. I cringe, waiting for Jasper's censure.

"Because she's been dealing with her own fears." There is no admonishing. My face must show how worried I am with his words, for he quickly tries to belay my fears. "She worries that you don't want to be with her if you know she could be infertile or unable to beat the cancer. She doesn't feel like a whole woman and she doesn't want to come to you broken."

I close my eyes at his words; they are like a balm to my spirit. "It wouldn't matter to me Jasper; I love her just the way she is."

"Then you need to show her."

We sit in silence for a while as I digest his words and my feelings. Suddenly, I'm hit with a wave of inspiration and know just what I will do.

"Jasper, I need your help."

**A/N: Do you think he is in a better place? Can he be the man for Bella?**


	63. Chapter 63

**A/N: What happened at the doctor appt.. read to find out...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

63

BPOV

"For the last time, Alice, where are we going?"

We're sitting out in the gazebo that her parents just had installed, sipping ice tea looking out over the pond. I come here frequently, trying to find a way to make things better between Edward and me.

It has been a week since my doctor appointment, since I got the news that my blood work is in the normal range and there is no detection of cancerous cells. I have been off chemo for over a week. There are days when I still can't believe it, when I worry that I will wake and it will all be just a bad dream.

"We are going out. It is a surprise. We need to celebrate your prognosis; we need to get you back out there."

I know that she means well but I am just not in the place yet. But from the gleam in her eyes, I can tell that I am not going to get out of it. When she reminds me that it has been way too long since we've gone out like this, I cave.

Her squeal of delight scares a small group of birds that we hoping along the ponds edge. I laugh at her exuberance and allow myself to be dragged back to the house. She makes me shower, then we spend the next few hours giving ourselves home manicures and pedicures.

We laugh and talk like it was when we were in school. It feels good to have this small weight lifted off my chest. For the first time I feel normal. When the polish is dry, Alice barges ahead and picks out clothes and a scarf for me. I have a very fine growth of hair on my head, but I'm still self conscious about it.

She does her hair and both of our faces. By the end of it all when I look in a mirror I gasp. I have not seen this girl in a while. There is color on her cheeks, a smile on her face that isn't forced; there is even a sparkle in her eyes. She looks happy and healthy. Things I haven't felt or been in what seems like forever.

Arm in arm we actually skip out to the waiting limo and head over to the Hilton for dinner. We drink wine and let the good times roll. I have the familiar floaty feeling when I have had too much wine. I try unsuccessfully to sneakily figure out where we are headed next, but Alice stays mum.

I'm sipping on more wine as we are driving when I happen to look out the window. A huge, lighted marquee glows like a beacon in the night.

_Midnight Dawn- One Night Only_

"Alice?" I whimper. "Please tell…you did not…I'm not ready…"

"He asked that I get you here." She holds out an envelope with my name on it.

With shaking hands I open it up.

_Give me a chance to show you just how much I need you. Let me show you how I feel. _

_Yours Always,_

_Edward_

**A/N: What does he have planned? Ideas? Thoughts?**


	64. Chapter 64

**A/N: I had this ending mapped out from the start...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

64

EPOV

The energy in the auditorium is electric. I can feel it pulsing through my body. The crowd is singing and dancing. But all I can focus on is that the two chairs off stage are still empty.

Both Alice and Jasper assured me that Bella is ready to move forward. That she would give me the chance to say 'I'm sorry' and to hash out all our issues. I'm ready for that. I need that.

When I finally left the cemetery I felt lighter and freer. It is the first time I no longer feel haunted by Lizzie's death. It wasn't until that day I realized how much I still carried those feelings with me. We were best friends, even despite our age difference. Watching her slowly waste in front of me, away tore at my soul.

I never understood the guilt and the anger I felt at her death. But sitting there, talking to her it made sense. I was angry she left me even though she had no choice, even though she was suffering. I was mad that she left me alone. But that was where the guilt kicked. I was guilty for being angry at her and for being alive. Guilty as there was nothing that I could do for her to ease her pain.

But Jasper was right. She would have kicked my ass for my mopey, emo ways. She would have marched my butt right back to Bella days ago. I'm even sure she would have tapped her foot at me. I also came to the truth that my mom is right as well. I need to enjoy this time with Bella, because I have never felt like this before.

No, fear isn't going to stop me from the greatest love I had ever known.

So I came up with the plan to show Bella how sorry I am and how much I really do love her. I feel I fucked up royally; I need to give her a larger than life apology. Regardless if Jasper feels that I already have her forgiveness. I need to hear her tell me.

So I arranged everything in a few days. We were already going to be playing here. We have a tradition that all our tours start and end in Chicago. This is our final show for the next few months. It seemed to be the perfect venue.

That is until I keep looking over at the side of the stage and not seeing Alice or Bella. That is where I instructed her to bring her. I want Bella front and center to what I have planned.

During a short little instrumental break that I usually use to change shirts, I pull out my phone to see a text from Alice.

_E- We are here, but Bella is freaked out. Don't worry, I'll get her there. A_

I quickly send her one back.

_A- Please. I need her. E_

I'm not too proud to beg, not in the least.

A quick conference with the rest of the bad and we just decided to keep playing. We're about two-thirds through our set list. We have time. I hve time. We go back out and continue to play, even though my mind is focusing on the spot by the stage.

Five songs later and I see movement out of the corner of my eye. When I look, there is Alice and Bella. My voice catches mid song and I make myself concentrate on the lyrics and the music. But there is no mistaking my heart which is beating just knowing she came.

I give the signal to the band that she is here, so that they could gear up for the surprise. I made eye contact with the roadie who will have to help prepare the stage. I know that Peter is off to the side and he will signal the light man to get the lighting arranged.

When I'm able to look over at Bella, I give her a huge smile to let her know how thrilled I am that she came. She gives me a timid smile and wave in return. I'll take it, whatever she gives me, I'll take.

We end our song and a lone spotlight shines on me, allowing the stage and my band mates to set things up around me. My guitar is taken by a stagehand and I begin to address the crowd.

"Have you ever met that special someone? The one that sets your soul on fire and makes your heart soar?" The crowd roars in appreciation. There energy is giving me the courage to keep speaking. "You would do anything, be anything, and give anything just to be with them. But with such an intense love comes the possibility of intense fuck ups. Things that you said or did that you wish you could take back."

I can't help to look over at Bella. Her eyes are shining and she is gripping onto Alice's arm as if it was her life line.

"So when that happens, you want to find a way to express just how much you regret your words and just how much you want to be with them. Well, I think this next song is a great example of how to express just that."

**A/N: What do you think of his words... anyone know the song... only a few of you guessed... hang on.. this one will make ya cry.. I am tearing up just thinking of it!**


	65. Chapter 65

**A/N: Here it is...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

65

BPOV

As he is speaking, tears are streaming down my face. I know that each and every word is for me. I feel it in my heart and soul. This is how he is telling me he is sorry and how much he loves me. I can feel his love, it is all consuming.

As he finishes speaking, the lights dim and I watch as he makes his way over to the other side of the stage to sit in front of a huge white piano. It doesn't escape my notice that he is angled in such a way that he is looking right at me.

When he plays the first few notes, I collapse against Alice. "He remembered," I sob. It is the song I told him about that Alice used to play for me.

But it is his singing that does me in.

_Oh, why you look so sad?  
>Tears are in your eyes<br>Come on and come to me now  
>Don't be ashamed to cry<br>Let me see you through  
>'cause I've seen the dark side too<br>When the night falls on you  
>You don't know what to do<br>Nothing you confess  
>Could make me love you less<em>

_I'll stand by you  
>I'll stand by you<br>Won't let nobody hurt you  
>I'll stand by you<em>

Right then and there, I fall irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen.

_So if you're mad, get mad  
>Don't hold it all inside<br>Come on and talk to me now  
>Hey, what you got to hide?<br>I get angry too  
>Well I'm a lot like you<br>When you're standing at the crossroads  
>And don't know which path to choose<br>Let me come along  
>'cause even if you're wrong<em>

_I'll stand by you  
>I'll stand by you<br>Won't let nobody hurt you  
>I'll stand by you<br>Take me in, into your darkest hour  
>And I'll never desert you<br>I'll stand by you_

As he gets up from the piano and starts to walk toward where Rose and Jasper are sitting on stools, he removes the beanie I never saw him wearing while holding my gaze. Both Alice and I gasp, for where there was once a shock of messy hair, now there is only a short buzz.

He shaved his hair, for me.

This is his way of saying he will be by my side, no matter what.

**A/N: Thanks my fellow March drabblers for not shaving him bald.. if ya need a visual..think this years People's Choice... next.. epi's...**


	66. Edward's Epilogue

**A/N: Epi #1**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

Edward's Epilogue

I hear the ding of the seatbelt sign and I buckle myself in. Bella grabs my hand and squeezes tight. This is a day that is two years in the making.

Life changed for us ever since that night three years ago when I sang to her. The night we laid bare all our fears and doubts and one by one we conquered them. We said our apologies and expressed our love. The next morning as we left the hotel, we walked out hand and hand, together.

Six months later I asked her to marry me and three months after that we had a very small, intimate wedding near the pond in the Brandon's backyard. Our hair grew back together and for each check-up she has had since, I attended.

She has remained cancer free and we couldn't be happier. We did discover that the chemo had left her infertile. The day after we arrived home after our ten day honeymoon in the Caribbean, we started the process for adoption.

Now, we are on our way to Russia to pick up our baby girl. She's six months old. This will be the fourth time we have seen her and already we are in love with her. Her room is ready and waiting for her. Family is standing by ready to welcome her to the family.

I can feel Bella's excitement and nerves, she has been itching to for this day to arrive. It was supposed to happen two months ago, but was pushed back by the Russian government. But with lots of maneuvering and tons of paperwork later, adoption day has arrived.

The waiting town car takes us to the courthouse in Moscow. There we wait for what seems like hours. Bella is a mess of nerves and I wrap my arms around her to help keep her grounded.

"What if things go wrong this time?" I knew this was her biggest fear and truth be told mine as well.

But we had to trust that everything was going to work out just fine. When we were finally called into the courtroom, Bella started to cry. Testimony was given, papers signed and just like that we became parents.

We gathered our copies of the documents and drove to a small town thirty miles outside of Moscow to pick up our daughter. We were met at the door of the orphanage by the house mother, a burly woman names Natasha. She looked over our paperwork and spoke to another worker to go get our daughter.

We waited for what again, seemed like an eternity before Anya Elizabeth Cullen was placed into Bella's waiting arms. We were both crying as she played with Bella's now long hair. The staff took several pictures of us and then we went to our hotel room to begin the next chapter of our new lives.

**A/N: *sniff* love to you all!**


	67. Bella's Epilogue

**A/N: Epi #2 takes place 3 years after Edward's... and umm towel alert...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, SM does, I am playing in the sandbox! ENJOY!**

Bella's Epilogue-

I sat on our bed, trying not cry, but failing miserably. Outside our room, I hear Edward talking to his mom.

"Say good night to Anya for us. Love you, too."

I hear his silent footfalls as he pads back into our room and snuggles up next to me.

"Mom says that Anya was all tuckered out after her day at the zoo. They will see us tomor… Baby, are you crying?"

With that the flood gates open and I begin to cry in earnest. "I was just so fucking scared, ya know. These are tears of relief. But being back there brought it all back."

He holds me tighter, "I know baby, but it was just a scare, your blood work came back just fine."

I hear his words, but my mind doesn't register them yet. It was our first cancer scare since I went into remission six years ago. Our first one since Anya was in our life and all I could think about was that I couldn't make her go through what I did.

Edward, sensing my distress, started to hum our song, the one that started us back on the right path. His hands hold me tight and ran soothingly down my back. Just being in his arms I find my solace and my strength.

Slowly we begin to kiss. The need to feel him close, to lose myself in him grows in intensity. Hastily clothes are shed and our hands and mouths are all over each other. My tears dry up, and lustful moans escape. He trails searing kisses down my body only to start the torturous journey back up.

When he reaches my neck, I'm breathless with want. "Now, Edward, please."

I splay my legs wide open and in seconds he is sheathed deep inside. Together we groan as one, reveling in the feeling of being close. Slowly he sets a slow, measured pace all while peppering my face and neck with kisses.

I know he is going slowly as a way to remind me that I'm alive and well. But that is not what I need. I wrap my legs around, tilt my hips and thrust back at him with my heels on his back.

"Harder, faster, make me forget," I pant out.

I cry out as he changes his rhythm and begins to pound relentlessly into me. I scream out in pleasure as my orgasm rips through me suddenly. Edward never stops. Instead he sits back on his heels, drags my ass up his thighs and begins to thrust deep and hard.

I clutch the sheets as I feel another orgasm approaching fast.

"Yes, yes, yes," I chanted, relishing the feeling of him inside me.

"You're mine, Bella!" he growls out with a fierce look of concentration.

I know he's holding off until I cum again. I reach between us and rub my clit. A few fast and tight circles and I screaming out another orgasm.

"Fuck," he roars as he spills deep inside me. He slumps down on the bed, gathering me close to him.

He places feather light kisses along my sweaty neck.

"Always baby. I'll always stand by you."

**A/N: THE END!**

**I want to thank you all for joning me on this journey! Drop me a line...I want to know how your feeling now that we have reached the end!**

**If you haven't yet, check out the other March Drabbles.. they are awesome! *mwah***


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